Imperial measurements

Wednesday, December 17th, 2008

Having a scientific background, I am quite happy with metric measurements in the lab but I was raised at home on imperial units. It's a strange paradox which lives with me to this day - for liquids like water, I think in centigrade but for air temperatures, Fahrenheit makes more sense. It is worse with weight, kilos mean nothing, total pounds not much more; I am a stones and pounds man. And yes I know that one metre is 39.37 inches but I am not interested.

Our units of measurement go back centuries. In 1215, King John agreed to have a standard set of weights and measures when he agreed to Magna Carta and in 1352, Edward III set the stone at 14 lb. And as I recall from my history, in those days, France was not a specially united kingdom and indeed, we owned much of it. Germany was what? Well the Romans called the area Germania but it wasn't even remotely a nation then. You can see that on Gladiator - crowd of wallies in bearskins and horned helmets. Nationhood had to wait for Bismark in the 19th century.

Yet these bastards and other 'Johnny come lately's' in the European Union told us in 1995 that we had to label things in metric units although as a concession to the Brits, they allowed us to use imperial as well. BUT the metric was mandatory and if you didn't use it, you got prosecuted. Why I shall never know. We should just have taken the French attitude to EU legislation - use it when it suits us, ignore it if it doesn't.

Guess it was German revenge for whacking them in WWII and French revenge for liberating them when they patently could not do it for themselves.

Word is that the concession on imperial units was to be disallowed by the end of 2010. Originally, France, Germany, Estonia (who the fuck are they? Tallinn may be pretty but they are irrelevant) and the Nazi sympathisers (remember the Anschluss) Austria tried to support this. I'd give that lot some new weights and measures given a choice. French weights would be in 'frogs', German in 'Iron Crosses', Estonian in 'collaborators' and Austrian in 'dead sheep.' I don't know why I picked the last one but I don't bloody well care.

And so yesterday, the EU graciously allowed us to continue using imperial units in perpetuity, providing we also note the metric equivalent. 'Oh jolly good,' I thought, and 'fuck em.' You can buy a pint all over this world and nobody but the EU sees anything wrong in that. Tyre sizes have gone half metric but the wheel diameter is still in inches. I am happy with the decimalisation of our currency but metric weights and measures was a step too far. I suppose I should rejoice at these EU pillocks coming to their senses but I am not. In a world with so many problems of such great magnitude, these fat cat assholes need to get a life or maybe even be deprived of one. Roll out Madame Guillotine.