Sunday, November 30th, 2008
Well, I don't need to repeat all the stuff you have read about on this, awful though it is. There but for the grace of God, I thought since only the day before, I had been looking at an Indian holiday next year.
No, I wish to talk about blame. Now it's all over, I see the blame factory going into overtime and especially on the operation itself. The Home Minister and the head of Internal Security have resigned and there are already comments that the rescue was bungled.
Was it? Think about it. It was nothing like 9/11, nor the various city bombings we have seen in the West nor the isolated single venue bombings we have seen elsewhere nor even Entebbe. This was a multiple, well informed and apparently well-coordinated simultaneous attack on several very large buildings with miles of corridors, hundreds of rooms and untold civilians.
Israel has moaned that it offered help was was refused. Maybe other countries' special forces were offered as well. It seems to me it would have been a nightmare to have the League of Nations in there trying to work together. Think of the language issues for a start. Damned if I understand their call centres let alone the average excited English speaking Indian person.
I am sure that the Indian 'Black Cats' made mistakes but I do ask myself if the SAS or Delta Force could have done better.
We are all too quick to find a scapegoat in this world. Oscar Wilde wasn't it? 'Success has many fathers but failure is always an orphan.'
Sunday 30 November 2008
British Postage Stamps
Sunday, November 30th, 2008
I am talking here from a stamp collecting point of view. Firstly, I should explain that our stamps come in two types - definitives and commemoratives. The former are your plain everyday stamps and each bears a bust of the Queen's head, a simple, classical and enduring design which we have used for ages. The latter as the name suggests were issued on special occasions to commemorate some significant event past or present. Until the 1970's, there were about 4 or 5 issues per year. They were pleasant designs and they were collectable although in most cases, you never get rich on them.
After that, the Post Office decided to cash in on philately and, like many of the world's smaller nations had been doing for years, the commemorative issues came thick and fast. So instead of the likes of the 1000th anniversary of the Battle of Hastings, you got the Prime Minister's dog's 7th birthday, etc. It could be funny if we had a series like 'What Scotsmen wear under their kilts,' but they don't seem to go in for humour. The designs are in many cases arty farty and garish and no better than some biscuit labels. They don't hold their value. Indeed, stamp dealers are now using this trash on mail shots to get rid of the stock. I get them all the while.
The next wheeze was to bugger around with the definitives by printing values which were only useful for sending postcards to Zanzibar on Wednesdays and the like. And just to make sure that you didn't just spend the 73p or whatever on the stamp, they put them inside stamp booklets costing upwards of £5 or more - no other way of getting one.
So the market has collapsed. Good!
And did you know that the UK is the only country in the world which is still permitted to issue stamps without the name of the country on them. Guess that's a legacy from inventing them, a legacy we have squandered on garbage.
I am talking here from a stamp collecting point of view. Firstly, I should explain that our stamps come in two types - definitives and commemoratives. The former are your plain everyday stamps and each bears a bust of the Queen's head, a simple, classical and enduring design which we have used for ages. The latter as the name suggests were issued on special occasions to commemorate some significant event past or present. Until the 1970's, there were about 4 or 5 issues per year. They were pleasant designs and they were collectable although in most cases, you never get rich on them.
After that, the Post Office decided to cash in on philately and, like many of the world's smaller nations had been doing for years, the commemorative issues came thick and fast. So instead of the likes of the 1000th anniversary of the Battle of Hastings, you got the Prime Minister's dog's 7th birthday, etc. It could be funny if we had a series like 'What Scotsmen wear under their kilts,' but they don't seem to go in for humour. The designs are in many cases arty farty and garish and no better than some biscuit labels. They don't hold their value. Indeed, stamp dealers are now using this trash on mail shots to get rid of the stock. I get them all the while.
The next wheeze was to bugger around with the definitives by printing values which were only useful for sending postcards to Zanzibar on Wednesdays and the like. And just to make sure that you didn't just spend the 73p or whatever on the stamp, they put them inside stamp booklets costing upwards of £5 or more - no other way of getting one.
So the market has collapsed. Good!
And did you know that the UK is the only country in the world which is still permitted to issue stamps without the name of the country on them. Guess that's a legacy from inventing them, a legacy we have squandered on garbage.
The English at sport
Sunday, November 30th, 2008
Wales beat Australia yesterday in a fine Rugby match and became the only home nation (not that I agree that it is a nation) to beat any of the Southern Hemisphere teams in this latest round of games. England were comprehensively beaten by New Zealand completing a hat trick of losses.
This is nothing new, you get just the same results in soccer, cricket, tennis, you name it, we've done it. And then there is the inconsistency. We can top of the world one week and then the same team gets thrashed the following week by a bunch of 12 year olds from up the road.
England are usually so dull as well when playing as a team. Footballers stand around like woodentops and when the ball lands at their feet, they do a full reconnaisance of the pitch before deciding where to kick it by which time of course, the opposition is on top of them. In contrast, in Rugby, win or lose, France and Ireland are almost invariably good to watch.
Yet, as Isaid in an earlier blog, the rest of the world gets a special joy out of beating the English at sport. Well if it pleases them, so be it but there is no need to feel cocky about it. I am well aware of our limitations.
We did quite well in the Olympics but much of that success came from individuals pursuing their own personal specialisms and a burning desire to win. And then of course we played as a united country.
Wales beat Australia yesterday in a fine Rugby match and became the only home nation (not that I agree that it is a nation) to beat any of the Southern Hemisphere teams in this latest round of games. England were comprehensively beaten by New Zealand completing a hat trick of losses.
This is nothing new, you get just the same results in soccer, cricket, tennis, you name it, we've done it. And then there is the inconsistency. We can top of the world one week and then the same team gets thrashed the following week by a bunch of 12 year olds from up the road.
England are usually so dull as well when playing as a team. Footballers stand around like woodentops and when the ball lands at their feet, they do a full reconnaisance of the pitch before deciding where to kick it by which time of course, the opposition is on top of them. In contrast, in Rugby, win or lose, France and Ireland are almost invariably good to watch.
Yet, as Isaid in an earlier blog, the rest of the world gets a special joy out of beating the English at sport. Well if it pleases them, so be it but there is no need to feel cocky about it. I am well aware of our limitations.
We did quite well in the Olympics but much of that success came from individuals pursuing their own personal specialisms and a burning desire to win. And then of course we played as a united country.
Zips
Sunday, November 30th, 2008
Take them for granted, don't we? Yet these clever little gadgets are all over our lives. I have had but few complete failures but naturally they have occurred when I least wanted them to. I have far more niggles though - stiff, graunchy, lining caught etc. They have been around for years so you'd think they would be all sorted now but they are not. In part, this is due to the cheapening of their construction.
My advice before you buy is to test and test again and if there are problems in the shop, then forget it. They don't improve.
Take them for granted, don't we? Yet these clever little gadgets are all over our lives. I have had but few complete failures but naturally they have occurred when I least wanted them to. I have far more niggles though - stiff, graunchy, lining caught etc. They have been around for years so you'd think they would be all sorted now but they are not. In part, this is due to the cheapening of their construction.
My advice before you buy is to test and test again and if there are problems in the shop, then forget it. They don't improve.
Arrested MP
Sunday, November 30th, 2008
Oh dear, things must be bad for I find myself agreeing with Jacqui Smith, Home Secretary, again!
A Conservative MP (opposition) has been arrested for something like a breach of security, passing on info he shouldn't or the like. Naturally, there have been howls of protest from his colleagues with shouts of 'Stalinist' state and the like. Ms. Smith did not know about it beforehand and says investigations must take their course. She makes the point that no one is above the law.
I agree with her. If the policemen had beat him up in custody then that's another matter but they didn't. So the law must take its course. He may well be innocent but we shall just have to wait and see.
The independence of the judiciary and the legislature must be paramount. Just think of those places where it is not. Would you like to live there?
One other point about all this is that it is a man who has been arrested. If it had been a woman, no doubt Harriett Harman and the muppet, Hazel Blears would have been marching on the streets right now.
Oh dear, things must be bad for I find myself agreeing with Jacqui Smith, Home Secretary, again!
A Conservative MP (opposition) has been arrested for something like a breach of security, passing on info he shouldn't or the like. Naturally, there have been howls of protest from his colleagues with shouts of 'Stalinist' state and the like. Ms. Smith did not know about it beforehand and says investigations must take their course. She makes the point that no one is above the law.
I agree with her. If the policemen had beat him up in custody then that's another matter but they didn't. So the law must take its course. He may well be innocent but we shall just have to wait and see.
The independence of the judiciary and the legislature must be paramount. Just think of those places where it is not. Would you like to live there?
One other point about all this is that it is a man who has been arrested. If it had been a woman, no doubt Harriett Harman and the muppet, Hazel Blears would have been marching on the streets right now.
Andalusian partridge
Sunday, November 30th, 2008
Had this for dinner last night; it's quite delicious. You can find it on the net but the thing to note is that it's very simple and delivers a fine goop which can be used as a sauce at the end.
Chop up a red onion and loosely pack the cavity and add a bay leaf. Rub the bird with red wine vinegar and season. Put it in an earthernware pot (although why a casserole dish wouldn't work defeats me). Add remaining onion to the pot with sherry, chicken stock, more vinegar, cloves, more bay leaves, garlic cloves (I sliced mine thick), raisins (I used mixed dried fruit) and olive oil. Bake for 90 minutes to 2 hours.
I opened it up 40 minutes before the end and dropped in baby new potatoes and then with 15 mins to go, frozen broad beans. There it is - a meal in one that you don't have to fuss over.
Had this for dinner last night; it's quite delicious. You can find it on the net but the thing to note is that it's very simple and delivers a fine goop which can be used as a sauce at the end.
Chop up a red onion and loosely pack the cavity and add a bay leaf. Rub the bird with red wine vinegar and season. Put it in an earthernware pot (although why a casserole dish wouldn't work defeats me). Add remaining onion to the pot with sherry, chicken stock, more vinegar, cloves, more bay leaves, garlic cloves (I sliced mine thick), raisins (I used mixed dried fruit) and olive oil. Bake for 90 minutes to 2 hours.
I opened it up 40 minutes before the end and dropped in baby new potatoes and then with 15 mins to go, frozen broad beans. There it is - a meal in one that you don't have to fuss over.
Thursday 27 November 2008
Mobile (cell) phone interference
Thursday, November 27th, 2008
You are forbidden to use these once the aircraft is rolling or in the final stages of descent because 'they may cause interference with the aircraft's navigational systems.' Same goes for other portable devices as they put it, including your iPOD. If this is true and I don't think it is, then there is something sadly lacking in the design of aircraft electronics.
Let's move to cars for a moment. They are an absolute hive of electrical interference especially the ignition spark. Every time that cracks off, it sends high voltage short-lived pulses (spikes) throughout the car and emits radio frequency waves. Not only that but cars drive all the while in areas of high electrical interference, none more so than when passing TV and radio transmitters. So what do we do with vehicle electronics ? We 'harden' them which is to say we design them so as not to emit crap and not be sensitive to all but the very, very strongest inbound stuff. And we do this for products costing as little as £10. After all, you don't want your flasher kicking off just because there is some copper talking on his radio as his car passes by.
Aircraft cost millions and millions and millions so why can't they do the same? I am sure they can and have done so, so I don't understand the need to switch off. People used their cell phones on American 93 just before it crashed into the Pentagon and you never heard a word about that exacerbating the situation.
And to finish I'll change the subject to what I see as another myth. Do you really believe that your mobile can set fire to a petrol station ? To create a fire requires energy which in electrical terms means both voltage and current and cell phones just don't have that punch. I once had 5 million volts through me but at such a low current that all I felt was a tingle even though lightning was flying off my shoes.
Can anybody enlighten me here?
You are forbidden to use these once the aircraft is rolling or in the final stages of descent because 'they may cause interference with the aircraft's navigational systems.' Same goes for other portable devices as they put it, including your iPOD. If this is true and I don't think it is, then there is something sadly lacking in the design of aircraft electronics.
Let's move to cars for a moment. They are an absolute hive of electrical interference especially the ignition spark. Every time that cracks off, it sends high voltage short-lived pulses (spikes) throughout the car and emits radio frequency waves. Not only that but cars drive all the while in areas of high electrical interference, none more so than when passing TV and radio transmitters. So what do we do with vehicle electronics ? We 'harden' them which is to say we design them so as not to emit crap and not be sensitive to all but the very, very strongest inbound stuff. And we do this for products costing as little as £10. After all, you don't want your flasher kicking off just because there is some copper talking on his radio as his car passes by.
Aircraft cost millions and millions and millions so why can't they do the same? I am sure they can and have done so, so I don't understand the need to switch off. People used their cell phones on American 93 just before it crashed into the Pentagon and you never heard a word about that exacerbating the situation.
And to finish I'll change the subject to what I see as another myth. Do you really believe that your mobile can set fire to a petrol station ? To create a fire requires energy which in electrical terms means both voltage and current and cell phones just don't have that punch. I once had 5 million volts through me but at such a low current that all I felt was a tingle even though lightning was flying off my shoes.
Can anybody enlighten me here?
Wednesday 26 November 2008
Happy hours and things like that
Wednesday, November 26th, 2008
We have a serious drinking problem in the UK. Many of us drink too much and that includes me but then I don't go around thumping people or staggering into cars. The really big problem is the number of young people who, pissed out of their minds, fight, vandalise and make our cities and towns unsafe at night.
So in steps the British Government with measures aimed to stop all that. They have wizard ideas like banning happy hours seemingly oblivious to the fact that there are still 3 or 4 hours or more afterwards in which to get stoned. Cans, bottles of beer and wine will have to contain health warnings and so will adverts for the same much like we put on cigarette packets. If you are a smoker you don't read them and if you are not a smoker you don't either. The same will go for drinkers.
One of the daftest ideas of all is the suggestion that the number of calories in drink be linked to everyday food like sausage rolls and that the comparison be put on the label. The clown who came up with this one needs to be put down.
I don't know the answer but I am sure it does not lie in the dumb-arsed ideas outlined above. Maybe it's time we raised the drinking age to 21 as in the USA. Draconian, I know but I have never seen the downtown drunkenness in America that we see nightly in the UK. At the least, we could take up one lady's suggestion and impose a zero drink drive limit on drivers under 21. We could also rigidly enforce the old 'drunk and disorderly' crime. Problem there is we'd have half of Cardiff's downtown youth under lock and key by midnight.
We have a serious drinking problem in the UK. Many of us drink too much and that includes me but then I don't go around thumping people or staggering into cars. The really big problem is the number of young people who, pissed out of their minds, fight, vandalise and make our cities and towns unsafe at night.
So in steps the British Government with measures aimed to stop all that. They have wizard ideas like banning happy hours seemingly oblivious to the fact that there are still 3 or 4 hours or more afterwards in which to get stoned. Cans, bottles of beer and wine will have to contain health warnings and so will adverts for the same much like we put on cigarette packets. If you are a smoker you don't read them and if you are not a smoker you don't either. The same will go for drinkers.
One of the daftest ideas of all is the suggestion that the number of calories in drink be linked to everyday food like sausage rolls and that the comparison be put on the label. The clown who came up with this one needs to be put down.
I don't know the answer but I am sure it does not lie in the dumb-arsed ideas outlined above. Maybe it's time we raised the drinking age to 21 as in the USA. Draconian, I know but I have never seen the downtown drunkenness in America that we see nightly in the UK. At the least, we could take up one lady's suggestion and impose a zero drink drive limit on drivers under 21. We could also rigidly enforce the old 'drunk and disorderly' crime. Problem there is we'd have half of Cardiff's downtown youth under lock and key by midnight.
Presidential pardons
Wednesday, November 26th, 2008
I understand that it is customary that outgoing US Presidents can pardon just about anyone he pleases no matter what they have done. (Correct me if I am wrong here.) And we are not talking about the single mother who broke into the gas meter to get money for her starving kids (although, these days, the money would just as likely go on heroin.)
Oh no, some may be convicted big-time criminals. George W. has already pardoned 'Scooter' Libby, Dick Cheney's aide and convicted perjurist and obstructor of justice. Lined up for pardons are a Republican Congressman who took $2 million in bribes and Edward W. Edwards, 4 times Governor of Louisiana who got 10 years for racketeering and many others convicted felons. It is said that Michael Milken, the billionaire who copped it for securities fraud is hoping to 'clear his name.' 'Clear his name?' I ask, more like 'get of the bloody hook.'
I really cannot agree with these 'Get out of jail' cards. It's all very feudal. But then I guess if Pontius Pilate had pardoned Jesus instead of Barabbas, we might never have had Christianity.
I understand that it is customary that outgoing US Presidents can pardon just about anyone he pleases no matter what they have done. (Correct me if I am wrong here.) And we are not talking about the single mother who broke into the gas meter to get money for her starving kids (although, these days, the money would just as likely go on heroin.)
Oh no, some may be convicted big-time criminals. George W. has already pardoned 'Scooter' Libby, Dick Cheney's aide and convicted perjurist and obstructor of justice. Lined up for pardons are a Republican Congressman who took $2 million in bribes and Edward W. Edwards, 4 times Governor of Louisiana who got 10 years for racketeering and many others convicted felons. It is said that Michael Milken, the billionaire who copped it for securities fraud is hoping to 'clear his name.' 'Clear his name?' I ask, more like 'get of the bloody hook.'
I really cannot agree with these 'Get out of jail' cards. It's all very feudal. But then I guess if Pontius Pilate had pardoned Jesus instead of Barabbas, we might never have had Christianity.
May contain nuts
Wednesday, November 26th, 2008
Having just had a nasty allergy reaction myself, I have a heightened sympathy for those who are allergic to nuts. My problem is that I don't know what I am allergic to: theirs is that no one is prepared to simply say, 'No chance of nuts.'
Bought a packet of cooking chorizo sausages today. Here are the nut comments:
Recipe : No nuts
Ingredients : Cannot guarantee nut free
Factory : No nuts
It's the second one that bothers me. It's just 'cover your ass.' If the factory is nut free then why can't quality control guarantee the product to be nut free. I suppose you could argue that pigs like acorns so there must be something nutty in the flesh.
And why not stop at nuts? Surely we should be posting warnings like, 'Cannot guarantee to be free of Uranium-238, potassium cyanide, plague ridden fleas....' Another of my concerns is that they don't say 'free of rat shit' because rats abound in most factories especially where food is processed.
This kind of message is just passing the buck to the consumer.
Having just had a nasty allergy reaction myself, I have a heightened sympathy for those who are allergic to nuts. My problem is that I don't know what I am allergic to: theirs is that no one is prepared to simply say, 'No chance of nuts.'
Bought a packet of cooking chorizo sausages today. Here are the nut comments:
Recipe : No nuts
Ingredients : Cannot guarantee nut free
Factory : No nuts
It's the second one that bothers me. It's just 'cover your ass.' If the factory is nut free then why can't quality control guarantee the product to be nut free. I suppose you could argue that pigs like acorns so there must be something nutty in the flesh.
And why not stop at nuts? Surely we should be posting warnings like, 'Cannot guarantee to be free of Uranium-238, potassium cyanide, plague ridden fleas....' Another of my concerns is that they don't say 'free of rat shit' because rats abound in most factories especially where food is processed.
This kind of message is just passing the buck to the consumer.
Woolworth's UK
Wednesday, November 26th, 2008
Today, Woolworth's UK has gone into administration and that threatens 815 stores and 10's of thousands of jobs. It's hardly surprising. Although, it's years since I have been in one, even then, it was hard to see what kind of store they were trying to be. And of course, they had to face the rising dominance of Tesco, Asda and others.
Peter Mandelson, Secretary of State for Business, Enterprise & Regulatory reform is said to have been in contact with the company on Wednesday, to ensure that if it went into administration, it would minimise the anxiety to its employees. What kind of Tom Fool remark is that? He really should stick to taking holidays on luxury yachts owned by Russian billionaires. Indeed, perhaps he could ask his Russian buddies to bail out Woolies. After all their £385m of debt would be fly shit to them.
But it's sad day. When I was a kid, it seemed have everything you could wish for but then we didn't wish for Nintendo, Microwaves, Stainless Steel saucepans then. It was cheap and that was important and it had Pick n'Mix sweets (candy). The stores seemed bright and they were always full in those days.
I won't miss them: I've moved on. And that is true of millions of others which is why they are on their way out.
Today, Woolworth's UK has gone into administration and that threatens 815 stores and 10's of thousands of jobs. It's hardly surprising. Although, it's years since I have been in one, even then, it was hard to see what kind of store they were trying to be. And of course, they had to face the rising dominance of Tesco, Asda and others.
Peter Mandelson, Secretary of State for Business, Enterprise & Regulatory reform is said to have been in contact with the company on Wednesday, to ensure that if it went into administration, it would minimise the anxiety to its employees. What kind of Tom Fool remark is that? He really should stick to taking holidays on luxury yachts owned by Russian billionaires. Indeed, perhaps he could ask his Russian buddies to bail out Woolies. After all their £385m of debt would be fly shit to them.
But it's sad day. When I was a kid, it seemed have everything you could wish for but then we didn't wish for Nintendo, Microwaves, Stainless Steel saucepans then. It was cheap and that was important and it had Pick n'Mix sweets (candy). The stores seemed bright and they were always full in those days.
I won't miss them: I've moved on. And that is true of millions of others which is why they are on their way out.
A post retirement reflection
Wednesday, November 26th, 2008
I know that this is not a work of literature but I do try to use a reasonable vocabulary. Indeed I revise many entries frequently to avoid the use of repetition in words and phrases. But consider this (and don't remind me that one should never start a sentence with a conjunction):
I know that this is not a work of literature but I do try to use a reasonable vocabulary. Indeed I revise many entries frequently to avoid the use of repetition in words and phrases. But consider this (and don't remind me that one should never start a sentence with a conjunction):
20. There are people who say ‘awesome’ at every little event in their lives. Have you ever wondered what words they have they saved up for the time a flying saucer lands in their garden?
'Cool', 'OMG' and 'Feenomenal' are just the same.Lap Dancing UK and Prostitution
Wednesday, November 26th, 2008
Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith wants to reclassify Lap Dancing clubs as 'Sexual Encounter Places' as distinct from coffee bars etc. This will allow extra rules to be used to control them like take them off the High Street and residential areas. There has been a hue and cry over this notably from the Lap Dancing business. Well for once, I find myself agreeing with her. Of course, they are Sexual Encounter Places and we can do without our kids having to walk past them.
But then the woman gets completely daft. She wants to prosecute men who pick up prostitutes that are controlled by pimps. It doesn't matter if the men don't know the women are being pimped, they get done anyway. And are the women going to advertise the fact they they are 'owned' - of course not. And if the police who arrest these men know that the women are being pimped, then why not target the pimps? After all this would do more to fulfill the woman's desire to stop women being exploited.
Needless to say, in all this, she is being backed all the way by Harriet Harmam, our Minister for Equality & Women. (Blog - The British Cabinet, October 12th). And no doubt that wittering little muppet, Hazel Blears will soon be joining in with her brand of incomprehensible gobbledegook.
Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith wants to reclassify Lap Dancing clubs as 'Sexual Encounter Places' as distinct from coffee bars etc. This will allow extra rules to be used to control them like take them off the High Street and residential areas. There has been a hue and cry over this notably from the Lap Dancing business. Well for once, I find myself agreeing with her. Of course, they are Sexual Encounter Places and we can do without our kids having to walk past them.
But then the woman gets completely daft. She wants to prosecute men who pick up prostitutes that are controlled by pimps. It doesn't matter if the men don't know the women are being pimped, they get done anyway. And are the women going to advertise the fact they they are 'owned' - of course not. And if the police who arrest these men know that the women are being pimped, then why not target the pimps? After all this would do more to fulfill the woman's desire to stop women being exploited.
Needless to say, in all this, she is being backed all the way by Harriet Harmam, our Minister for Equality & Women. (Blog - The British Cabinet, October 12th). And no doubt that wittering little muppet, Hazel Blears will soon be joining in with her brand of incomprehensible gobbledegook.
Lap Dancing
Wednesday, November 26th, 2008
These places have been on my 'blogs to write about' list for some time. However, the latest proposals from our Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith (more on this another time) prompt me to write now.
Can't say that these places do a lot for me but then maybe that's because I've only been a few times and then to decent ones. Ford introduced me to my first, BTS on Michigan Avenue, Dearborn, Detroit back in 1987. Bright, noisy, expensive but seemingly clean. The girls were topless, gyrating on stage and doing the pole dancing thing. For $10 or so, they come down and do a dance just a few feet away from you. They would also just come down for a chat and a drink at your expense. Most turned out to be at college and many were quite interesting. It all seemed pretty harmless although I was disturbed by some of the solitary drinkers around me who seemd to taking the whole thing far too seriously.
Second time was in 1988, also to BT's, when a group of us from work attended the SAE Congress. So I took them along thinking it might entertain them which it did. Halfway through the evening, a mini boxing ring was set up on stage and customers were invited to bid to oil-wrestle with one of the girls. My boss won but then sent me on to do the business. Well, I am game for anything. Off to the manager's office where I met the girl and was told it was to be all fun and then I changed to boxer shorts.
Out into the ring where we each sprayed the other with oil and then set off on 3 x 3 minute round. The MC made a big point that I was 'David from England' It was all quite hilarious as we made a mock fight, each as slippery as eels. In the last round, there many shouts of 'get her bra off,' and me being one not to satify an audience, pulled her bra up, something she hadn't been using all night anyway. The fight was stopped, the MC said that 'David from England' had been 'naughty' and was to be punished. The girl was given a bucket of ice and water which she promptly poured down the inside of my boxer shorts to the amusement of all. The remains of the round were fought and then it was off to the manager's office for a shower and a change. I got thanked for being entertaining and got a signed poster from the girl. Everyone seemed happy.
After that I was plied with drinks all evening and we moved on to another club, the Landing Strip at Romulus, near the airport. Not so nice and since I was totally drunk, I tried to climb onto the stage. Dragged off by a bouncer and saved by my friends.
And that was that until 1995. Done that, read the book, seen the movie. But I changed employer.
Back at SAE Congress 1995, I introduced my new colleagues to BTS. Oil wrestling had gone - 'too many pervs', the manager said. However, several of my new colleagues got a taste for it and went back night after night. I wouldn't join them so I was called 'a boring old fart.' No matter. They even went back year after year.
And then the is the Doll House in Raleigh, NC, near our US factory. Got dragged along by two colleagues because I had nothing better to do. Big and glitzy but I thought the girls were less warm and friendly. The guy who was going to drive us back to the hotel got rat-arsed so I left early and took a cab. Had enough of it all anyway.
Don't what UK ones are like but the American ones seemed harmless enough and the girls seemed to be enjoying themselves just like those pretty ones in Hooter's.
These places have been on my 'blogs to write about' list for some time. However, the latest proposals from our Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith (more on this another time) prompt me to write now.
Can't say that these places do a lot for me but then maybe that's because I've only been a few times and then to decent ones. Ford introduced me to my first, BTS on Michigan Avenue, Dearborn, Detroit back in 1987. Bright, noisy, expensive but seemingly clean. The girls were topless, gyrating on stage and doing the pole dancing thing. For $10 or so, they come down and do a dance just a few feet away from you. They would also just come down for a chat and a drink at your expense. Most turned out to be at college and many were quite interesting. It all seemed pretty harmless although I was disturbed by some of the solitary drinkers around me who seemd to taking the whole thing far too seriously.
Second time was in 1988, also to BT's, when a group of us from work attended the SAE Congress. So I took them along thinking it might entertain them which it did. Halfway through the evening, a mini boxing ring was set up on stage and customers were invited to bid to oil-wrestle with one of the girls. My boss won but then sent me on to do the business. Well, I am game for anything. Off to the manager's office where I met the girl and was told it was to be all fun and then I changed to boxer shorts.
Out into the ring where we each sprayed the other with oil and then set off on 3 x 3 minute round. The MC made a big point that I was 'David from England' It was all quite hilarious as we made a mock fight, each as slippery as eels. In the last round, there many shouts of 'get her bra off,' and me being one not to satify an audience, pulled her bra up, something she hadn't been using all night anyway. The fight was stopped, the MC said that 'David from England' had been 'naughty' and was to be punished. The girl was given a bucket of ice and water which she promptly poured down the inside of my boxer shorts to the amusement of all. The remains of the round were fought and then it was off to the manager's office for a shower and a change. I got thanked for being entertaining and got a signed poster from the girl. Everyone seemed happy.
After that I was plied with drinks all evening and we moved on to another club, the Landing Strip at Romulus, near the airport. Not so nice and since I was totally drunk, I tried to climb onto the stage. Dragged off by a bouncer and saved by my friends.
And that was that until 1995. Done that, read the book, seen the movie. But I changed employer.
Back at SAE Congress 1995, I introduced my new colleagues to BTS. Oil wrestling had gone - 'too many pervs', the manager said. However, several of my new colleagues got a taste for it and went back night after night. I wouldn't join them so I was called 'a boring old fart.' No matter. They even went back year after year.
And then the is the Doll House in Raleigh, NC, near our US factory. Got dragged along by two colleagues because I had nothing better to do. Big and glitzy but I thought the girls were less warm and friendly. The guy who was going to drive us back to the hotel got rat-arsed so I left early and took a cab. Had enough of it all anyway.
Don't what UK ones are like but the American ones seemed harmless enough and the girls seemed to be enjoying themselves just like those pretty ones in Hooter's.
Tuesday 25 November 2008
Boosting the British ecnonomy
Tuesday, November 25th, 2008
Yesterday, our Chancellor of the Exchequer announced a number of measures designed to lift the Britsh economy - costly in monetary terms but spread so thinly as to make little impact whilst significantly raising the National Debt. He added the promise that we shall all have to pay this debt back with higher taxation in 2o11.
Consider, his 'biggest' move in cost terms. He is going to reduce VAT (sales tax) from 17.5% to 15%. Think about it. You were thinking of buying a cheap car, say £10,000 so with VAT that's £11,750. Drop VAT to 15% and you still have to pay £11,500. Is £250 really going to change your mind? And anyway, can you get the credit to buy it?
And if the product is £100 + Vat, the saving is just £2.50.
Meanwhile, our retail stores are fighting for sales with price cuts of up to 20% so what the heck about his VAT cut. It's a useless but expensive gesture.
The root of this problem was the collapse of the banks and their savage cutback on lending. I don't know how this can be reversed but surely this should have been his priority. Maybe, a loan to good banks like mine, HSBC, on the understanding that they increased lending wisely and quickly.
Yesterday, our Chancellor of the Exchequer announced a number of measures designed to lift the Britsh economy - costly in monetary terms but spread so thinly as to make little impact whilst significantly raising the National Debt. He added the promise that we shall all have to pay this debt back with higher taxation in 2o11.
Consider, his 'biggest' move in cost terms. He is going to reduce VAT (sales tax) from 17.5% to 15%. Think about it. You were thinking of buying a cheap car, say £10,000 so with VAT that's £11,750. Drop VAT to 15% and you still have to pay £11,500. Is £250 really going to change your mind? And anyway, can you get the credit to buy it?
And if the product is £100 + Vat, the saving is just £2.50.
Meanwhile, our retail stores are fighting for sales with price cuts of up to 20% so what the heck about his VAT cut. It's a useless but expensive gesture.
The root of this problem was the collapse of the banks and their savage cutback on lending. I don't know how this can be reversed but surely this should have been his priority. Maybe, a loan to good banks like mine, HSBC, on the understanding that they increased lending wisely and quickly.
My day in hospital
Tuesday, November 25th, 2008
Here is the timetable:
Day 1
0700 – woke up, turned over to go back to sleep. Felt a slight bulge on the left side of my face. Tried to sleep.
0730 – felt, touched side of cheek. Thought this is growing. Looked in bathroom mirror and noticed cheek was slightly bulging out. So got up and made a coffee. Left hand side of mouth rather taught so drank from the other side. Showered and shaved. Read the newspaper and surfed the internet for ‘rapid face swelling.’ No real luck.
All the while no pain. Had a chocolate biscuit. Getting hard to open mouth but chewing and swallowing OK.
0820 – really growing still so went to the doctor’s. ‘Open surgery’ this morning so no appointments so wait your turn.
0910 – saw the doctor. Loads of questions including what did you have to eat last night – fish pie, two satsumas and coffee – nothing special. Called another doctor in – no definite diagnosis – blocked tear gland, allergy reaction (to food or Ramipril , blood pressure drug) or bacterial infection so he prescribed anti histamine and antibiotic. Still no pain.
0930 – picked up the meds, went home and took them. Notes say that anti-histamine improvements start after 30 minutes. They didn’t. Surfed the net on this. Best fit in angioedema resulting from allergy and I note that Ramipril can be a culprit even after taking it for years.
1030 – this looks really bad right now. Left hand side of face really massive bulging and lips are starting to swell. Only managed a few sips of coffee. Can’t smoke anymore.
1100 – Back to the docs because I am getting a little worried. Now my lower lip is swollen to the centre and it is starting to move across the upper lip. He’s getting worried too so a shot of hydro cortisone. Says he wants me to go ‘somewhere I’ll be safe’ and calls an ambulance car.
1120 – At hospital, loads of questions, loads of form filling, BP, pulse, breathing and blood sats checked – all are fine. BP is a little high but is that surprising?
1145 – Doctor examines me and asks questions all over again. By this time, lips really swollen and inner slips sore. So blood samples taken and three injections. Otherwise I feel fine, tongue OK and no sign of throat enlargement. Sent off to bed for a minimum overnight stay.
1215 – In bed and all the questions all over again. Told ‘Nil by mouth’. Right cheek starting to swell from the bottom upwards.
Afternoon – dozed a bit, check visits from nurses and doctor. Constant questioning about tongue and throat which I later learned were about possible anaphylactic shock. But they are fine and no pain, just soreness in mouth. Around 3.00 pm, went for a look in the bathroom mirror. This is quite awful. Face swollen like a football but it’s the mouth that is the worst. Strange this, lips are huge especially the upper left and lower right and gaping and drooling. Plus the fact that the lower lips seems displaced 1 cm to the right of the upper one. It really looks like a creation of Frankenstein.
1800 – dinner was brought round but since I could not have any, I dozed on interrupted by blood pressure and the other checks. At one stage the BP was 81/54. When do you get worried, I asked?’ ‘When the top one goes below 60,’ she cheerfully replied. ‘Not far to go,’ I thought. More injections but these were into the drip tube so I was spared needles.
Evening and night : I dozed on and off and in my conscious moments, I could feel my lips growing even thicker and the skin beginning to split and peel. Otherwise fine.
Around midnight, I could control the desire to pee no longer so I had to shuffle to the toilet towing the drip stand and carrying the tube. When I washed my hands, I looked in the mirror, it was awful. After that I slept what I thought fitfully but given the changes in the ward around me, it must have been a deeper sleep than I thought.
Somewhere in the night, I woke up to find my tongue had thickened and dried. ‘Is this the next phase?’ I thought. Furthermore, I find that I am unable to open my lower eyelids fully as the swelling has moved upwards on both sides to push the eyelids up. So I went back to sleep.
Day 2
Doc came around at 7, took one look and pronounced me to be much better. He also said I could eat. More injections but this time into the drip duct so no needles. Yesterday’s blood tests showed nothing which is a pity really since if they had identified the cause, then they would know how to stop repetition.
0730 – Breakfast so I had porridge and orange juice. Then I got taken off the drip. Another check in the mirror and it looks even better although still chubby. Next I get, a jug of iced water. That was really nice.
Mid morning – doc shows up with 6 other young ones. Loads of questions from them. Best guess I had a sudden reaction to Ramipril and told to stop using it. Then I was told I could go later. One of the young ones came back and took a further blood sample for other tests.
Later a nurse turned up and said I could go once they sorted the drugs I was to take home.
1215 – Got the drugs, dressed and left. As I entered the corridor, lunch arrived. Pity for I was starving. The entrance foyer of the hospital is like a mini shopping centre so I had a sandwich and coffee before the walk home – 15 minutes.
A strange experience and one I could have done without. Still, I feel ok and the swellings should be gone in 24/48 hours.
Doctors were very pleasant and very responsive and the nurses were just great. The NHS is free and has many critics but, in this case, I really don’t think I could have had better care.
Sunday 23 November 2008
Air Rage 2
Sunday, November 23rd, 2008
Recently, a seemingly successfully windpipe transplant was carried out on a 22 year old lady in Barcelona. The technique used could be the forerunner of successful transplants in years to come. But the lass was so very lucky.
The transplant was created in Bristol UK, using a donated windpipe and stem cells. I don't know all the medical details but I gather the timing was critical and the Bristol people had only a small 'time window' in which to get the stuff to Barcelona. They chose to fly easyJet, one of our budget airlines and say that they had checked out the feasibility with easyJet beforehand.
On trying to board the aircraft, the Bristol people were told that no way could that stuff be carried because the crew did not know what it was and what is more, the liquid in which it was stored exceeded 100 mls in volume which is a big 'no-no'. The airline personnel said they had no record of any previous discussions with the airline so 'bugger off'.
Well it all turned out OK because the folks took a private jet at a cost of £14,000 and the girl had her operation.
But what were the airline playing at? Just doing their jobs like the defendants at Nuremburg? A few checks would have sufficed to show that the mission was genuine. And when did the last hijacker or bomber come aboard with a package saying 'don't worry it's only a transplant organ?'
I'd like to transplant some of the airline staffs' organs, starting with their brains for instance.
Recently, a seemingly successfully windpipe transplant was carried out on a 22 year old lady in Barcelona. The technique used could be the forerunner of successful transplants in years to come. But the lass was so very lucky.
The transplant was created in Bristol UK, using a donated windpipe and stem cells. I don't know all the medical details but I gather the timing was critical and the Bristol people had only a small 'time window' in which to get the stuff to Barcelona. They chose to fly easyJet, one of our budget airlines and say that they had checked out the feasibility with easyJet beforehand.
On trying to board the aircraft, the Bristol people were told that no way could that stuff be carried because the crew did not know what it was and what is more, the liquid in which it was stored exceeded 100 mls in volume which is a big 'no-no'. The airline personnel said they had no record of any previous discussions with the airline so 'bugger off'.
Well it all turned out OK because the folks took a private jet at a cost of £14,000 and the girl had her operation.
But what were the airline playing at? Just doing their jobs like the defendants at Nuremburg? A few checks would have sufficed to show that the mission was genuine. And when did the last hijacker or bomber come aboard with a package saying 'don't worry it's only a transplant organ?'
I'd like to transplant some of the airline staffs' organs, starting with their brains for instance.
Saturday 22 November 2008
Beavers
Saturday, November 22nd, 2008
We have imported 4 beavers from Norway and, after a period of quarantine, we hope to reintroduce them into Scotland. We killed the remaining native ones a few hundred years ago. Everyone is enthusing about this except for a few farmers who are moaning about matters like tree destruction.
Has no one thought about Tierra del Fuego, that island at the bottom of South America? The Argentines set 50 Canadian beavers loose down there about 60 years ago and today there are around 250,000. The chew down the trees to create their dams and this in turn creates flooding so more trees die. They pollute the water and they block culverts causing road flooding. They are such a pest that there was a bounty on their heads until last year. Since that stopped, the population has grown by 20%, I have read.
I went there in Dec 2005 and visited the National Park. This is what they do. Notice the dead trees.
You may say, they are not such a pest in Canada and it is said that they actually recycle vegetation and slow down the water run-off after rain. But Canada is a far, far bigger than Scotland and they have bears to keep the beavers down.
Thursday 20 November 2008
Dreams
Thursday, November 20th, 2008
I am talking about the ones you have in your sleep. Maybe, I have been lucky but mine are generally good and are in colour. I was surprised to learn some time ago that many people only dream in black & white. The other day, some barmy psychologist suggested that if you were raised on B & W television, then you'd dream in B & W. Bit daft, I thought, given that most of your life is in colour.
Freud seemed to think that most dreams were about sex, explicit or implicit. Can you honestly trust a man who had a phobia about ferns? All I can say is that I wish more of my dreams had some exciting sex in them but they don't. Don't think I have ever had a 'wet dream'.
No, my take on dreams is very simple and it may not apply to the rest of you. I think that when I sleep, my brain files the events of the day. Simple job for the big things but then I think it gets confused on little things and mulls them over - hence a dream in which the brain speculates and turns things over. They have to be really trivial subjects like a thought that wandered through your head at 11.03 or catching your elbow on the door frame @ 13.45.
I very rarely have bad dreams and if I do, they are usually things like missing a flight. The worst dream I ever had was to dream that I had got out of bed, made the coffee, washed, shaved and had a shower and then to wake up and find I had to do the whole thing all over again. But then my mom always said that if you tell people about a dream, you'll never have it again. She was right: it really works. So I guess you created a file for it and the brain does not have to worry again.
When I was a kid, I sometimes dreamt about being able to fly, soaring over the town with my arms spread but then I told someone about it and that was it.
And then there are the best dreams of all, the ones that you can control. They seem to come when you are hovering on the brink of waking up but the dream is good so you don't want to. Then you can adjust it. It doesn't last long but it's good when it happens.
Dream on.
I am talking about the ones you have in your sleep. Maybe, I have been lucky but mine are generally good and are in colour. I was surprised to learn some time ago that many people only dream in black & white. The other day, some barmy psychologist suggested that if you were raised on B & W television, then you'd dream in B & W. Bit daft, I thought, given that most of your life is in colour.
Freud seemed to think that most dreams were about sex, explicit or implicit. Can you honestly trust a man who had a phobia about ferns? All I can say is that I wish more of my dreams had some exciting sex in them but they don't. Don't think I have ever had a 'wet dream'.
No, my take on dreams is very simple and it may not apply to the rest of you. I think that when I sleep, my brain files the events of the day. Simple job for the big things but then I think it gets confused on little things and mulls them over - hence a dream in which the brain speculates and turns things over. They have to be really trivial subjects like a thought that wandered through your head at 11.03 or catching your elbow on the door frame @ 13.45.
I very rarely have bad dreams and if I do, they are usually things like missing a flight. The worst dream I ever had was to dream that I had got out of bed, made the coffee, washed, shaved and had a shower and then to wake up and find I had to do the whole thing all over again. But then my mom always said that if you tell people about a dream, you'll never have it again. She was right: it really works. So I guess you created a file for it and the brain does not have to worry again.
When I was a kid, I sometimes dreamt about being able to fly, soaring over the town with my arms spread but then I told someone about it and that was it.
And then there are the best dreams of all, the ones that you can control. They seem to come when you are hovering on the brink of waking up but the dream is good so you don't want to. Then you can adjust it. It doesn't last long but it's good when it happens.
Dream on.
Wednesday 19 November 2008
The Inuits and polar bears
Wednesday, November 19th, 2008
The Inuits (were they not Eskimos, a while ago?) of Northern Canada are complaining that they are not allowed to kill so many polar bears these days. They say they have been killing them for 4,000 years.
Fine. Let's take away all the stuff they never had 4,000 years ago and never invented for themselves and let them get on with it. See how they cope without rifles, television, electricity, alcohol and all the other things. They can piss off for all I care.
The Inuits (were they not Eskimos, a while ago?) of Northern Canada are complaining that they are not allowed to kill so many polar bears these days. They say they have been killing them for 4,000 years.
Fine. Let's take away all the stuff they never had 4,000 years ago and never invented for themselves and let them get on with it. See how they cope without rifles, television, electricity, alcohol and all the other things. They can piss off for all I care.
Aircraft carriers
Wednesday, November 19th, 2008
I must admit that these are splendid machines even though they kill. I suspect that these are the largest machines we have ever made, at least mobile ones. But, I am puzzled.
America is building a new class of carrier, known as the Gerald B. Ford class. Why name them after him? He was never elected to anything and only got his jobs after Agnew and Nixon departed in disgrace. Seemed a nice sort of bloke but hardly the icon after which you would name the biggest warships in the world. Me, I'd have gone for the Disney class with names like 'Sleeping Beauty' and 'Cinderella' and the like.
Here in Britain, we are building 2 new carriers which come into service in the mid 2010's. Why? We last used them, for the purpose for which they were built back in 1982 in the Falklands and have no forseeable use for them.
Worse still, there are doubts that we shall enough money to fund the aircraft to fly from them.
And finally, what is going to protect them? Carriers fight in 'carrier battle groups' or I think today, they are called 'carrier strike groups' Either way, they are just floating airfields and need a whole armada of surface ships and submarines to protect them. It has ever been thus.
Our surface fleet diminishes almost daily so you do wonder if anything will be left by 2015. Still those nice flat decks would be fine for maypole dancing.
Better we spent the money on frigates.
I must admit that these are splendid machines even though they kill. I suspect that these are the largest machines we have ever made, at least mobile ones. But, I am puzzled.
America is building a new class of carrier, known as the Gerald B. Ford class. Why name them after him? He was never elected to anything and only got his jobs after Agnew and Nixon departed in disgrace. Seemed a nice sort of bloke but hardly the icon after which you would name the biggest warships in the world. Me, I'd have gone for the Disney class with names like 'Sleeping Beauty' and 'Cinderella' and the like.
Here in Britain, we are building 2 new carriers which come into service in the mid 2010's. Why? We last used them, for the purpose for which they were built back in 1982 in the Falklands and have no forseeable use for them.
Worse still, there are doubts that we shall enough money to fund the aircraft to fly from them.
And finally, what is going to protect them? Carriers fight in 'carrier battle groups' or I think today, they are called 'carrier strike groups' Either way, they are just floating airfields and need a whole armada of surface ships and submarines to protect them. It has ever been thus.
Our surface fleet diminishes almost daily so you do wonder if anything will be left by 2015. Still those nice flat decks would be fine for maypole dancing.
Better we spent the money on frigates.
The cheetah
Wednesday, November 19th, 2008
I know I said that all cats are beautiful and especially the leopard but I do think that cheetahs are the prettiest.
This guy or girl was sitting at the side of the road in the Serengeti and we watched for quite a while. Only later, did I learn that cheetahs are one of the few wild animals that really suffer from tourism. They hunt by day so when we all turn up in them Toyota Landcruisers, we scare the game off.
Pity, for if I had known that before, I'd have asked to move on.
I know I said that all cats are beautiful and especially the leopard but I do think that cheetahs are the prettiest.This guy or girl was sitting at the side of the road in the Serengeti and we watched for quite a while. Only later, did I learn that cheetahs are one of the few wild animals that really suffer from tourism. They hunt by day so when we all turn up in them Toyota Landcruisers, we scare the game off.
Pity, for if I had known that before, I'd have asked to move on.
Community leaders
Wednesday, November 19th, 2008
Who the fuck are these people? Do you have a 'community leader' for I certainly can't think of one around here. Is it my doctor? Is it the local vicar - well that's unlikely because I don't even know where the nearest church is and he's never come knocking on my door inviting me to join in on 'Onward, Christian Soldiers.' In fact, the only people who knock on my door are friends, neighbours, the postman and people who are trying to sell me something.
Bottom line is that I seem bereft of 'community leadership' which is fine by me because I don't want any bugger telling me what to do. I can manage on my own, thank you.
But every time there is a spot of bother in some town or city in the UK, you know like the odd arson attack or riot, the press say that 'community leaders' have stepped in to 'counsel' the community. Bollocks, if I got a petrol bomb through the front window, I'd want the police to catch the bastards and I wouldn't want any soothing words from my local councillor.
Who the fuck are these people? Do you have a 'community leader' for I certainly can't think of one around here. Is it my doctor? Is it the local vicar - well that's unlikely because I don't even know where the nearest church is and he's never come knocking on my door inviting me to join in on 'Onward, Christian Soldiers.' In fact, the only people who knock on my door are friends, neighbours, the postman and people who are trying to sell me something.
Bottom line is that I seem bereft of 'community leadership' which is fine by me because I don't want any bugger telling me what to do. I can manage on my own, thank you.
But every time there is a spot of bother in some town or city in the UK, you know like the odd arson attack or riot, the press say that 'community leaders' have stepped in to 'counsel' the community. Bollocks, if I got a petrol bomb through the front window, I'd want the police to catch the bastards and I wouldn't want any soothing words from my local councillor.
Java
Wednesday, November 19th, 2008
I am talking here about the software, not the island. I don't understand it although I have got the message that it's best to keep it up to date.
Looked it up and found that it's a programming language but that makes me none the wiser. Yeah, I understood things like Basic, Fortran and Pascal but this one has me baffled.
Guess I should just live with it.
I am talking here about the software, not the island. I don't understand it although I have got the message that it's best to keep it up to date.
Looked it up and found that it's a programming language but that makes me none the wiser. Yeah, I understood things like Basic, Fortran and Pascal but this one has me baffled.
Guess I should just live with it.
Monday 17 November 2008
Why am I doing this?
Monday, November 17th, 2008
To be honest, I am not sure. A lot of friends have told me to write a book but I cannot think of a single subject nor where to start and anyway, I would get distracted. So I am just rambling as the title says.
You would be right to criticise me as being self indulgent and self opinionated for I have always been so. But I read the papers and listen to the news and recognise that they are bound by laws of libel and convention and there are times I just wish they would really say what they really mean in plain and blunt language. I have no quibble with swearing.
So I am trying here to amuse, inform, question and provoke.
Never forget the words of Edmund Burke - 'All that it is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.'
To be honest, I am not sure. A lot of friends have told me to write a book but I cannot think of a single subject nor where to start and anyway, I would get distracted. So I am just rambling as the title says.
You would be right to criticise me as being self indulgent and self opinionated for I have always been so. But I read the papers and listen to the news and recognise that they are bound by laws of libel and convention and there are times I just wish they would really say what they really mean in plain and blunt language. I have no quibble with swearing.
So I am trying here to amuse, inform, question and provoke.
Never forget the words of Edmund Burke - 'All that it is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.'
National Anthems
Monday, November 17th, 2008
I guess these are supposed to be unifying and uplifting songs and many, but not all, are. Whatever, nationality you are, you could not fail to get that shiver of emotion as the Welsh burst into song with 'Mae hen wlad fy nhadau yn annwyl i mi,' at the start of an international Rugby match.
The English have no national anthem of their own (officially) so they sing the British one, 'God save the Queen' and a more awful and less inspiring dirge would be hard to find. I reckon that if the English were polled on this, they would pick 'Land of Hope and Glory'. You only have to watch the joy and enthusiasm with which this is sung on the Last Night of the Proms to understand that. Yes, it is nationalistic and jingoistic but anthems are like that. An Australian once wrote that only the English could thank God for making them mighty and then have the brass-necked cheek to go on and ask Him to make them mightier yet. Well that was in a book entitled, 'God is an Englishman' and who am I to argue?
And what does Australia have? Well they dropped 'God Save the Queen' and came up with 'Advance Australia Fair'. Pretty but hardly uplifting.
The Scots sing 'Flower of Scotland' at special events; I like it a lot. But it's a mournful song and harks to the past. If all you have to sing about is the one battle you last won in 1314, it's time you found something new.
I don't know if Northern Ireland has a national anthem but I guess if they had one, it would be about fighting each other.
I do like 'The Star Spangled Banner' and even more I love the joy and pride with which it is sung. Maybe it's just me but every time I watch it, I feel that for just those few minutes, America is actually the UNITED States.
Try this link - http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=uontOKXKLJI - for here you get three versions from Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey and Beyonce Knowles. The website invites you to choose the best. Me, I'd pick Beyonce but then I am biased for she is drop dead gorgeous. Yeah I could be dangerously in love with her.
Mind you each of them could do with a damn good square meal.
I guess these are supposed to be unifying and uplifting songs and many, but not all, are. Whatever, nationality you are, you could not fail to get that shiver of emotion as the Welsh burst into song with 'Mae hen wlad fy nhadau yn annwyl i mi,' at the start of an international Rugby match.
The English have no national anthem of their own (officially) so they sing the British one, 'God save the Queen' and a more awful and less inspiring dirge would be hard to find. I reckon that if the English were polled on this, they would pick 'Land of Hope and Glory'. You only have to watch the joy and enthusiasm with which this is sung on the Last Night of the Proms to understand that. Yes, it is nationalistic and jingoistic but anthems are like that. An Australian once wrote that only the English could thank God for making them mighty and then have the brass-necked cheek to go on and ask Him to make them mightier yet. Well that was in a book entitled, 'God is an Englishman' and who am I to argue?
And what does Australia have? Well they dropped 'God Save the Queen' and came up with 'Advance Australia Fair'. Pretty but hardly uplifting.
The Scots sing 'Flower of Scotland' at special events; I like it a lot. But it's a mournful song and harks to the past. If all you have to sing about is the one battle you last won in 1314, it's time you found something new.
I don't know if Northern Ireland has a national anthem but I guess if they had one, it would be about fighting each other.
I do like 'The Star Spangled Banner' and even more I love the joy and pride with which it is sung. Maybe it's just me but every time I watch it, I feel that for just those few minutes, America is actually the UNITED States.
Try this link - http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=uontOKXKLJI - for here you get three versions from Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey and Beyonce Knowles. The website invites you to choose the best. Me, I'd pick Beyonce but then I am biased for she is drop dead gorgeous. Yeah I could be dangerously in love with her.
Mind you each of them could do with a damn good square meal.
Dame Helen Mirren
Monday, November 17th, 2008
This woman is one of our most famous actresses. Back in September she revealed that she had twice been the victim of date rape. That is to say she had gone back to a fella’s place and then refused sex at the last minute and got screwed. She appears to be intelligent but you have to wonder what she was thinking of at the time – maybe she was drunk.
This woman is one of our most famous actresses. Back in September she revealed that she had twice been the victim of date rape. That is to say she had gone back to a fella’s place and then refused sex at the last minute and got screwed. She appears to be intelligent but you have to wonder what she was thinking of at the time – maybe she was drunk.
And she says that this happened twice. This reminds me of that quote from Oscar Wilde – ‘to lose one parent is unfortunate, to lose both is downright careless.’
She has also said that women jurors are biased against rape victims on grounds of sexual jealousy. Well, I have heard and read before that women jurors are biased in that way but sexual jealousy? What is the woman talking about? Actress she may be but psychologist? Surely not. She’s not that savvy or she would have spotted the second date rape coming.
Only been on one jury and we were all ages, sexes and types but we had one thing in common – we knew this was serious stuff. We got a rape and buggery case to start with and it was adjourned within 48 hours. The girl was ESN and all I remember was that we were all very sad about it and glad to be rid of it. I know that this may sound like shirking your public duty but would you honestly want to be part of it? (And if you are wondering, I did look at the bloke in the dock and I did watch the girl on the video interview and I’d have sent him down with no hesitation and my fellow jurors would have done the same. So maybe Helen Mirren has a point about bias but is it not down to simple human frailty rather than this Freudian bollocks?.)
And now her latest revelation is that she used to snort coke until she learned that Klaus Barbie (convicted Nazi war criminal) made money from it. So she says she quit once she learned that.
Would you? Would you refrain from anything you are doing if you found out that Atilla the Hun did the same? I am not talking about killing here, I am simply asking if you’d pack in eating Cumberland Sausage or watching Channel 5 if you found out that Osama bin Laden was fond of both.
I think she is an able and talented actress but why the fuck she needs to grab headlines with crap like this, I do not know. And what is more, I don’t believe her.
Ronald Reagan and Arnie made it into politics but thank God the majority of the acting profession don’t. And yes, I know all about Glenda Jackson, thank you. She sank without trace once she hit the House of Commons.
Sunday 16 November 2008
40, Jersey Street, Brighton
Sunday, November 16th, 2008
I did a lot of family history research some years ago but I am resting now. I was driven by curiosity rather than a desire to prove that I was linked to Alfred the Great. Who frigging cares anyway, he's long dead and statistically all Brits could claim descent even if they only carry the odd gene, let alone a whole chromosone.
My ancestors were pretty much ordinary folk going about their daily business: I like that. There were a few rascals: I like that even more.
A lot of genealogists seem to be driven to add more and more names. Me, I wanted to feel them and touch them even though they are long gone. So I have been to some of the places where they lived and tried to imagine what it was like for them. Once, I went to Brighton, one of the sources of my mom's side of the family and I found this:
Nothing special is it? Just another tiny Victorian terraced house in the back streets of Brighton. It would be special if just one ancestor lived there but read on. I knocked on the door but no one was in, I would dearly liked to have looked inside.
I did a lot of family history research some years ago but I am resting now. I was driven by curiosity rather than a desire to prove that I was linked to Alfred the Great. Who frigging cares anyway, he's long dead and statistically all Brits could claim descent even if they only carry the odd gene, let alone a whole chromosone.
My ancestors were pretty much ordinary folk going about their daily business: I like that. There were a few rascals: I like that even more.
A lot of genealogists seem to be driven to add more and more names. Me, I wanted to feel them and touch them even though they are long gone. So I have been to some of the places where they lived and tried to imagine what it was like for them. Once, I went to Brighton, one of the sources of my mom's side of the family and I found this:
Nothing special is it? Just another tiny Victorian terraced house in the back streets of Brighton. It would be special if just one ancestor lived there but read on. I knocked on the door but no one was in, I would dearly liked to have looked inside.
Memphis
Sunday, November 16th, 2008
Been through Memphis airport many times, usually en route to Florida. The first thing to know is that there are only three places to smoke. Airside, it at the tables outside the bar on the left before you exit. In the foyer there is the ubiquitous Irish Bar; it is a paradox that you can smoke in any Irish bar in this world (and there is one in every city) except those in Ireland. And then finally you can smoke outside but not in the first lane at the exit, only the second and beyond.
Only stayed there once and that was when I missed my flight back to Europe. Northwest put me up in a reasonable hotel. I asked the lass on reception if they could suggest a lively place to eat and they took me off somewhere. It was fantastic although I have no idea of where it is. I was the only white guy in the place and everyone was having a great time. Really, really good live music, R & B and soul. I ended up at a table with some lovely young ladies who kept asking me to say things so they could hear the English accent. No matter they were gorgeous.
I rose about noon and pottered down to reception. There I found that I was but 3 miles from Graceland. Shame, I'd liked to have gone but no big deal. With my air miles, I could go to Graceland tomorrow but I don't ever think I could repeat that night.
Been through Memphis airport many times, usually en route to Florida. The first thing to know is that there are only three places to smoke. Airside, it at the tables outside the bar on the left before you exit. In the foyer there is the ubiquitous Irish Bar; it is a paradox that you can smoke in any Irish bar in this world (and there is one in every city) except those in Ireland. And then finally you can smoke outside but not in the first lane at the exit, only the second and beyond.
Only stayed there once and that was when I missed my flight back to Europe. Northwest put me up in a reasonable hotel. I asked the lass on reception if they could suggest a lively place to eat and they took me off somewhere. It was fantastic although I have no idea of where it is. I was the only white guy in the place and everyone was having a great time. Really, really good live music, R & B and soul. I ended up at a table with some lovely young ladies who kept asking me to say things so they could hear the English accent. No matter they were gorgeous.
I rose about noon and pottered down to reception. There I found that I was but 3 miles from Graceland. Shame, I'd liked to have gone but no big deal. With my air miles, I could go to Graceland tomorrow but I don't ever think I could repeat that night.
A blow for freedom
Sunday, November 16th, 2008
Ashford, a town in Kent. has scrapped its traffic lights and other road use restrictions. From now on, all road users will have equal rights be they walking, riding a bike, driving a car or travelling by bus. Obviously, everyone has to use their common sense and the suggestion is that the use of eye contact will let others know of your intentions. 'Guide Dogs for the Blind' have objected but as I see it, blind people can just wave their white stick; I'd stop for that and give them a little beep.
The speed limit has been reduced to 20 mph, traffic humps and chicanes have been removed and kerbs lowered to blur the distinction between road and pavement.
I think the whole concept is bloody wonderful and I do hope that it succeeds.
It makes sense too. Green lights give you the right of way and all too often, you move forward without looking for you have that 'right of way' so it's tough shit for the poor bugger who steps out in front of you. Some times, the traffic lights are broken and all drivers are very careful then. I live not far from a busy road junction and I have found that I can get across it in pretty much the same time whether the lights are broken or not.
Ditto at crossroads. I always preferred the American system where everyone has to stop and then proceed with caution on a first come, first served basis.
This is all about 'live and let live' and that is marvellous.
Ashford, a town in Kent. has scrapped its traffic lights and other road use restrictions. From now on, all road users will have equal rights be they walking, riding a bike, driving a car or travelling by bus. Obviously, everyone has to use their common sense and the suggestion is that the use of eye contact will let others know of your intentions. 'Guide Dogs for the Blind' have objected but as I see it, blind people can just wave their white stick; I'd stop for that and give them a little beep.
The speed limit has been reduced to 20 mph, traffic humps and chicanes have been removed and kerbs lowered to blur the distinction between road and pavement.
I think the whole concept is bloody wonderful and I do hope that it succeeds.
It makes sense too. Green lights give you the right of way and all too often, you move forward without looking for you have that 'right of way' so it's tough shit for the poor bugger who steps out in front of you. Some times, the traffic lights are broken and all drivers are very careful then. I live not far from a busy road junction and I have found that I can get across it in pretty much the same time whether the lights are broken or not.
Ditto at crossroads. I always preferred the American system where everyone has to stop and then proceed with caution on a first come, first served basis.
This is all about 'live and let live' and that is marvellous.
Cats
Sunday, November 16th, 2008
Anyone who has owned a cat knows full well that you never actually ‘own’ a cat, they own you. Oh yes, they are cuddly and charming and things like that but the bottom line is that they do what they fucking well like. Your house is their hotel and you are the innkeeper.
I’ve had four and each of them was an individual. Wainwright’s way of saying ‘let me in’ at 4 in the morning was a leap at the front door followed by a slow descent down the door frame leaving gouged out wood from his claws. You’d lie in bed mouthing words like ‘Fuck off, you bastard,’ but when he’s done it 7 times you give in. Can’t remember how many times I used Polyfilla on that door frame and repainted it. On the left you can see him as a kitten. His owner gave him to me, first because he had enough cats of his own and second, even then the little bugger would only eat raw meat.
Sally was completely different. When she wanted you up and out of bed, she’d gently rub her teeth across the back of your hand and give a really gentle nip which was kinda sweet. That was fine on workdays for she was just another alarm clock. But at weekends, when you wanted a lie-in you just rolled over and muttered, ‘Bugger off.’ So then she moved on to strategy 2. This consisted of racing downstairs at high speed and racing back up again. Then she entered the bedroom and did the ‘Wall of Death’ trick around the walls. After three laps of this, you just got out of bed and fed the bitch. She’s won. You’ve lost. But Sally was very special and maybe I shall write more about her one day.
Isis was a killer. They say that cats bring you their prey because they think you are incompetent at hunting. Isis didn’t, she just ate what she caught on the back garden. And she ate everything else she could find. You could not leave any food out with her around – table top or work top. Later in life she got bone cancer in one leg and had it amputated but that didn’t change her ways.
Nigel Wynn was a dinky female but the vet said she was male when we first took her there, hence the name. She was a darling but had a fundamental character flaw. She liked to play ‘chicken’ with cars and one day she lost. It’s quite sad to carry the warm dead body of your cat back to the house. Not a mark on her so I guess it was a glancing blow.
Cats get ill at times and you try to help and they are ungrateful arseholes. Try giving them a pill and the gentlest of them spit and claw. Wainwright wasn’t too bad for you could trick him. He rejected all cat food and would only eat raw meat so you took a piece of lamb’s heart and stuffed the pill inside a slit. Then he’d gobble it. Sally, normally the gentlest of the four, needed Kevlar gloves and body armour to get one down her without injury to yourself.
Cats simply don’t give a shit for they are in it for themselves. But I love them. Do you wonder why Egyptians worshipped Bast? Short for Bastard, maybe.
The key to surviving with cats is to let them know who is boss. They never really serve you but if you are firm with them, you get a grudging respect. All my cats have been MY cats which is to say that they recognised me as hotel manager, not that that made any bloody difference in their behaviour usually, but just a few times, they were a little bit more compliant.
Dogs are just arse lickers. I cannot respect that. As I said earlier, Scamp was a mate but then we were both young and then there was equality.
Saturday 15 November 2008
Save the planet
Saturday, November 15th, 2008
For some years now, hotels have been putting signs in bathrooms suggesting that you would help to save the planet if you reused your towels. It's usually, 'Chuck em on the floor and we'll change them but you'd be a really nice person if you hung them up and used them the next day,' I have no problem with that in principle for I do the same at home. But, do these hotels give you a discount for reusing towels? No, they bloody well don't! No doubt the laundry savings just go to boost their profits.
And now our supermarkets have jumped on the bandwagon by withdrawing plastic bags from the checkouts and making you ask for them, presumably in the hope that you might feel a teeny bit guilty and that they can reduce their costs. To be fair, Tesco do a nice line of strong jute shopping bags for a quid and I have 5 of them. They are much better than the plastic ones if you buy as much wine as I do.
Ireland was much less hypocritical. They just introduced a charge for plastic bags and consumption collapsed.
For some years now, hotels have been putting signs in bathrooms suggesting that you would help to save the planet if you reused your towels. It's usually, 'Chuck em on the floor and we'll change them but you'd be a really nice person if you hung them up and used them the next day,' I have no problem with that in principle for I do the same at home. But, do these hotels give you a discount for reusing towels? No, they bloody well don't! No doubt the laundry savings just go to boost their profits.
And now our supermarkets have jumped on the bandwagon by withdrawing plastic bags from the checkouts and making you ask for them, presumably in the hope that you might feel a teeny bit guilty and that they can reduce their costs. To be fair, Tesco do a nice line of strong jute shopping bags for a quid and I have 5 of them. They are much better than the plastic ones if you buy as much wine as I do.
Ireland was much less hypocritical. They just introduced a charge for plastic bags and consumption collapsed.
Friday 14 November 2008
Risking your kids
Friday, November 14th, 2008
I suppose when I look back on it, I should have been prosecuted for some of the things I have done with my kids. Look at this:
Well, Peter wasn't used to steam engines so when we heard that the 'Duchess of Hamilton' was making a come by, we all went up to the tracks to see it.
I told him to stand back a bit and he did. But how else was he going to capture the smell and the noise of a steam engine thundering by?
You may say that girls are different, but I don't see why.
Three of the daftest things I have ever done with the pair of them was to go up the Lord's Rake on Scafell in snow for today it is considered out of bounds to all but experienced climbers even in summer, then climbing the convex snow dome out of Striding Edge to the summit of Helvellyn, kicking snow steps all the way (one slip there and you are on your way to Heaven or, in my case, Hell) and finally along the Crib Goch ridge in high wind en route for Snowdon. But my kids did not like simple hill walking, they liked rocks and wind.
Then there is 156 mph down the motorway in a BMW. They loved it and so did I. You have to be careful though for there are so many idiots on the road. And then there is this:
They are within feet of a 100 foot drop. But how else are you going to teach them about danger without giving them a taste of it? For sure as hell, they won't listen to theory, they need to understand danger and feel it. A fence across that hole would have ruined the whole thing.
Well they are fit and alive right now and I fully acknowledge that maybe I was a bit silly at times but it has turned out for the good. Maybe we were lucky.
I suppose when I look back on it, I should have been prosecuted for some of the things I have done with my kids. Look at this:
Well, Peter wasn't used to steam engines so when we heard that the 'Duchess of Hamilton' was making a come by, we all went up to the tracks to see it.I told him to stand back a bit and he did. But how else was he going to capture the smell and the noise of a steam engine thundering by?
You may say that girls are different, but I don't see why.
Three of the daftest things I have ever done with the pair of them was to go up the Lord's Rake on Scafell in snow for today it is considered out of bounds to all but experienced climbers even in summer, then climbing the convex snow dome out of Striding Edge to the summit of Helvellyn, kicking snow steps all the way (one slip there and you are on your way to Heaven or, in my case, Hell) and finally along the Crib Goch ridge in high wind en route for Snowdon. But my kids did not like simple hill walking, they liked rocks and wind.
Then there is 156 mph down the motorway in a BMW. They loved it and so did I. You have to be careful though for there are so many idiots on the road. And then there is this:
They are within feet of a 100 foot drop. But how else are you going to teach them about danger without giving them a taste of it? For sure as hell, they won't listen to theory, they need to understand danger and feel it. A fence across that hole would have ruined the whole thing.Well they are fit and alive right now and I fully acknowledge that maybe I was a bit silly at times but it has turned out for the good. Maybe we were lucky.
Fruit and veg
Friday, November 14th, 2008
Hooray, the EU has dropped its ridiculous rules on the size, shape and appearance of many fruit and vegetables sold in the shops. Well, 26 different types in all but the sting in the tail is that 10 others (accounting for 75% of sales) will still have to meet the rules. Bananas are another matter altogether - they come under a 'separate marketing regime', no doubt due to pressure from feminist groups and cucumber growers who want them to switch.
I grew veggies once and my only objection to carrots that looked like a cock with two balls was that they were a bugger to peel. But once chopped they were fine. My bendy cucumbers tasted fine too although I never sought my wife's opinion on this subject.
Never really grew good onions but no matter. We get them French guys on bikes around twice a year and they sell them in strings. They taste good (the onions, not the Frenchmen) and they keep for ages.
Hooray, the EU has dropped its ridiculous rules on the size, shape and appearance of many fruit and vegetables sold in the shops. Well, 26 different types in all but the sting in the tail is that 10 others (accounting for 75% of sales) will still have to meet the rules. Bananas are another matter altogether - they come under a 'separate marketing regime', no doubt due to pressure from feminist groups and cucumber growers who want them to switch.
I grew veggies once and my only objection to carrots that looked like a cock with two balls was that they were a bugger to peel. But once chopped they were fine. My bendy cucumbers tasted fine too although I never sought my wife's opinion on this subject.
Never really grew good onions but no matter. We get them French guys on bikes around twice a year and they sell them in strings. They taste good (the onions, not the Frenchmen) and they keep for ages.
Terezin
Friday, November 14th, 2008
Terezin is a large village/small town about 40 miles north-east of Prague. The Nazis named it Theresienstadt and used the fortress as a transit camp for Jews en route to Auschwitz. Plenty died of malnutrition and disease and never made it to the gas chamber. It was a show town too so when the Red Cross turned up, it was all decorated and seemingly happy Jews sipped coffee on the sidewalk.
I went there a few years ago. The town's quite nice if somewhat austere and the fortress camp is still there. But the camp is just buildings, empty and shorn of their fittings apart from the odd bunk. It doesn't look nice but I found it hard to imagine what it was like when full.
So I went to the museum and it had much the same Holocaust stuff as I have seen elsewhere. But it also had a collection of children's paintings and here are three. You don't need me to explain them. I just went outside and wept and you would too.
Terezin is a large village/small town about 40 miles north-east of Prague. The Nazis named it Theresienstadt and used the fortress as a transit camp for Jews en route to Auschwitz. Plenty died of malnutrition and disease and never made it to the gas chamber. It was a show town too so when the Red Cross turned up, it was all decorated and seemingly happy Jews sipped coffee on the sidewalk.
I went there a few years ago. The town's quite nice if somewhat austere and the fortress camp is still there. But the camp is just buildings, empty and shorn of their fittings apart from the odd bunk. It doesn't look nice but I found it hard to imagine what it was like when full.
So I went to the museum and it had much the same Holocaust stuff as I have seen elsewhere. But it also had a collection of children's paintings and here are three. You don't need me to explain them. I just went outside and wept and you would too.
National Library of Wales
Friday, November 14th, 2008
This place is located in Aberystwyth which is on the mid-Wales coast. If you look it up on the map, you will find it is miles from pretty much anywhere of significance. I live in Wales but I would regard a visit there to be something of a journey rather than a trip. I suspect it does not get many school outings from East Anglia and fewer still from Berlin.
Today, it has been announced that it is to be closed on Saturdays to save money. One historian has asked why it cannot be open 24/7 like the shops. Someone should tell the fool that people want to shop 24/7 in busy accessible areas but there ain't much call for libraries at the seaside at 3 am in the morning. The same clown notes that many American libraries are also open 24/7 and that may be so. But where are they? Washington DC, New York, Chicago? I doubt if they in the middle of bloody nowhere like Monument Valley for example.
My gripe with all this is the choice of Saturday, a day when the workers would be free to visit. The mayor and Dafydd Wigley share my view but offer no counter proposals.
My view is simple. Why not shut on Mondays instead? I can just imagine the answer -'Oh, we would not save so much money with that for the staff get a premium for working Saturdays.'
Well sod them. If you work in public service, then you are relatively immune from the economic ups and downs and by definition you are there to serve the public. Now look you, you get better job security and you don't get a weekend premium. You can't have it both ways.
This place is located in Aberystwyth which is on the mid-Wales coast. If you look it up on the map, you will find it is miles from pretty much anywhere of significance. I live in Wales but I would regard a visit there to be something of a journey rather than a trip. I suspect it does not get many school outings from East Anglia and fewer still from Berlin.
Today, it has been announced that it is to be closed on Saturdays to save money. One historian has asked why it cannot be open 24/7 like the shops. Someone should tell the fool that people want to shop 24/7 in busy accessible areas but there ain't much call for libraries at the seaside at 3 am in the morning. The same clown notes that many American libraries are also open 24/7 and that may be so. But where are they? Washington DC, New York, Chicago? I doubt if they in the middle of bloody nowhere like Monument Valley for example.
My gripe with all this is the choice of Saturday, a day when the workers would be free to visit. The mayor and Dafydd Wigley share my view but offer no counter proposals.
My view is simple. Why not shut on Mondays instead? I can just imagine the answer -'Oh, we would not save so much money with that for the staff get a premium for working Saturdays.'
Well sod them. If you work in public service, then you are relatively immune from the economic ups and downs and by definition you are there to serve the public. Now look you, you get better job security and you don't get a weekend premium. You can't have it both ways.
Afghanistan again
Friday, November 14th, 2008
I have said before that we are wasting our time there and I know I am not alone in that but I never expected to find an ally going back 200 years. I read this in the Times yesterday.
The first British emissary, indeed the first European envoy, to Afghanistan was Mountstuart Elphinstone (yes, a genuine name) and he went there with troops in 1808. He wrote a book about it. Perhaps his most perceptive observation was that Afghanistan was fundamentally unstable, a set of fighting tribes constantly at war and killing each other with central authority barely extending beyond the palace gates. But and this is the big but, they are just like my family for if their country is threatened, all differences are put aside and they join together to fight the common foe.
I suppose their attitude is best summed up in the words of a tribal elder that Elphinstone met all those years ago:
'We are content with discord, we are content with alarms, we are content with blood. But we will never be content with a master.'
I did not know this little piece of history but I am quite aware of the repeated failure of Western powers to change the place.
We should get the hell out and leave them to it.
Oh and just a side note. Sure al Qaeda may be using Afghanistan as a training ground but it does not seem they are training Afghanis. Tell me if I am wrong but I have yet to hear of an Afghani terrorist in the West.
I have said before that we are wasting our time there and I know I am not alone in that but I never expected to find an ally going back 200 years. I read this in the Times yesterday.
The first British emissary, indeed the first European envoy, to Afghanistan was Mountstuart Elphinstone (yes, a genuine name) and he went there with troops in 1808. He wrote a book about it. Perhaps his most perceptive observation was that Afghanistan was fundamentally unstable, a set of fighting tribes constantly at war and killing each other with central authority barely extending beyond the palace gates. But and this is the big but, they are just like my family for if their country is threatened, all differences are put aside and they join together to fight the common foe.
I suppose their attitude is best summed up in the words of a tribal elder that Elphinstone met all those years ago:
'We are content with discord, we are content with alarms, we are content with blood. But we will never be content with a master.'
I did not know this little piece of history but I am quite aware of the repeated failure of Western powers to change the place.
We should get the hell out and leave them to it.
Oh and just a side note. Sure al Qaeda may be using Afghanistan as a training ground but it does not seem they are training Afghanis. Tell me if I am wrong but I have yet to hear of an Afghani terrorist in the West.
London congestion charge
Friday, November 14th, 2008
This has been in place for a while. It is said to have reduced traffic and that may be statisically correct. All I know is that the last time I drove in Central London (this year) it was worse than it has ever been - horrendous.
Now the US Embassy has refused to pay this charge and has been bitched at for other embassies (but not all) have coughed up. Ken Livingstone, former Mayor of London, even called the US Ambassador, 'venal' over this issue and that's a bit much when you look at the payoffs Ken arranged for his buddies when they all lost office.
But what I want to know to put this all in perspective is this. Does the Queen pay the charge when she leaves the palace and swans off to Windsor in that Rolls Royce Phantom? Does Gordon Brown pay every time his Jag takes him from Downing Street to the House of Commons? Indeed do any of our politicians or civil servants pay this charge and if they do, do they get the money back in expenses?
The charge was meant to deter unnecessary trips into Central London by car. I just wonder if Ken walked in instead.
Haven't heard anything from Ken on this. It's probably in his 'too difficult' file.
This has been in place for a while. It is said to have reduced traffic and that may be statisically correct. All I know is that the last time I drove in Central London (this year) it was worse than it has ever been - horrendous.
Now the US Embassy has refused to pay this charge and has been bitched at for other embassies (but not all) have coughed up. Ken Livingstone, former Mayor of London, even called the US Ambassador, 'venal' over this issue and that's a bit much when you look at the payoffs Ken arranged for his buddies when they all lost office.
But what I want to know to put this all in perspective is this. Does the Queen pay the charge when she leaves the palace and swans off to Windsor in that Rolls Royce Phantom? Does Gordon Brown pay every time his Jag takes him from Downing Street to the House of Commons? Indeed do any of our politicians or civil servants pay this charge and if they do, do they get the money back in expenses?
The charge was meant to deter unnecessary trips into Central London by car. I just wonder if Ken walked in instead.
Haven't heard anything from Ken on this. It's probably in his 'too difficult' file.
Thursday 13 November 2008
The shit bin
Thursday, November 13th, 2008
This, I was once told, is the trade term for that place in the supermarket where all the discounted goods, nearing their 'Sell by' date are placed. That's fine for in this age of paranoia about litigation, it still means that the food has a few days to go. And anyway, you can take the stuff home and freeze it. Not only that but there is often a lot of less commonplace but more interesting food there. You don't see many chicken breasts there but the other day, I picked up two nice partridge and two delicious leg of lamb steaks each at half price.
Be careful of the fish, though. I know your nose should tell you but sometimes, it is well sealed and then you have no clue. And always check to see that the dratted stuff is freezable.
Only one problem with shit bins as far as I can see: they are often surrounded by a scrummage of pensioners. Then you have to use your elbows to get to the front.
This, I was once told, is the trade term for that place in the supermarket where all the discounted goods, nearing their 'Sell by' date are placed. That's fine for in this age of paranoia about litigation, it still means that the food has a few days to go. And anyway, you can take the stuff home and freeze it. Not only that but there is often a lot of less commonplace but more interesting food there. You don't see many chicken breasts there but the other day, I picked up two nice partridge and two delicious leg of lamb steaks each at half price.
Be careful of the fish, though. I know your nose should tell you but sometimes, it is well sealed and then you have no clue. And always check to see that the dratted stuff is freezable.
Only one problem with shit bins as far as I can see: they are often surrounded by a scrummage of pensioners. Then you have to use your elbows to get to the front.
General Motors
Wednesday, November 13th, 2008
Right now, GM are supposed to be teetering on the edge of bankruptcy. Hardly surprising in view of what I said in an earlier blog. Of course, it's not their fault - recession, falling sales, high labour and healthcare costs but not of course the management. Indeed the CEO has said that he has got the best team to lead them out of this mess. (Is that the same team that lead them into this mess?) My first question would be, 'Well didn't you stockpile some dosh when times were good?' And naturally the answer would be 'No,' for these people have the vision and the memory of a goldfish.
And for sheer waste, these people take the biscuit - not just their own resources but those of their suppliers. Halfway through a product development, some bright spark decides that the illumination of the dashboard would be nicer in blue than in green and then umpteens of money are written off - no idea of how much but it's telephone numbers. And do the public care: I doubt it. When did you last decide not to buy a certain car because of the dashboard illumination?
Barack Obama is apparently lobbying George W. to bail them out and maybe Ford and Chrysler too. No doubt, this follows on from the major support given to him in Michigan. I'd like a bail out too because I hold a lot of shares in my former employer and they have a lot of business with GM. So I want neither to go bust. There is also the fact that by some estimates, a collapse of GM would blight the lives of 3 million people if you include all the families and shopkeepers that depend on them.
But in my heart, I'd let them go to the wall. These people are never going to change. A bail out would just put off the day of reckoning.
Right now, GM are supposed to be teetering on the edge of bankruptcy. Hardly surprising in view of what I said in an earlier blog. Of course, it's not their fault - recession, falling sales, high labour and healthcare costs but not of course the management. Indeed the CEO has said that he has got the best team to lead them out of this mess. (Is that the same team that lead them into this mess?) My first question would be, 'Well didn't you stockpile some dosh when times were good?' And naturally the answer would be 'No,' for these people have the vision and the memory of a goldfish.
And for sheer waste, these people take the biscuit - not just their own resources but those of their suppliers. Halfway through a product development, some bright spark decides that the illumination of the dashboard would be nicer in blue than in green and then umpteens of money are written off - no idea of how much but it's telephone numbers. And do the public care: I doubt it. When did you last decide not to buy a certain car because of the dashboard illumination?
Barack Obama is apparently lobbying George W. to bail them out and maybe Ford and Chrysler too. No doubt, this follows on from the major support given to him in Michigan. I'd like a bail out too because I hold a lot of shares in my former employer and they have a lot of business with GM. So I want neither to go bust. There is also the fact that by some estimates, a collapse of GM would blight the lives of 3 million people if you include all the families and shopkeepers that depend on them.
But in my heart, I'd let them go to the wall. These people are never going to change. A bail out would just put off the day of reckoning.
Verona
Thursday, November 13th, 2008
Only been to Verona once and I loved it. Well, I do love Italian cities in general but this one is specially sweet and compact. It sits on a river like all decent towns do.
You get the Romeo & Juliet balcony of course and that is complete fiction. But it's jewel is the colisseum which is pretty much intact. They do concerts there and when I went, I saw Aida. You hire your cushion and sit on the stone terrace pretty much like they may have done 2,000 years ago. I doubt if it was opera then, more like gladiators. Now what a tourist attraction that would be today!
Across the square, I ate at a fast food place called Brek. As usual, many people look down on fast food places and often, rightly so. But this place was a model to all others - a huge selection of good healthy Italian food in spotless surroundings. Wish they'd open one up in Cardiff.
Only been to Verona once and I loved it. Well, I do love Italian cities in general but this one is specially sweet and compact. It sits on a river like all decent towns do.
You get the Romeo & Juliet balcony of course and that is complete fiction. But it's jewel is the colisseum which is pretty much intact. They do concerts there and when I went, I saw Aida. You hire your cushion and sit on the stone terrace pretty much like they may have done 2,000 years ago. I doubt if it was opera then, more like gladiators. Now what a tourist attraction that would be today!
Across the square, I ate at a fast food place called Brek. As usual, many people look down on fast food places and often, rightly so. But this place was a model to all others - a huge selection of good healthy Italian food in spotless surroundings. Wish they'd open one up in Cardiff.
Wednesday 12 November 2008
Okavango Dawn
Wednesday, November 12th, 2008
I have never really been a 'dawn' person except that I see it as a time to go to bed. But in Africa, I saw many because we had to break camp so early.
This is dawn from the heart of the Okavango Delta in Botswana, the biggest inland river delta in the world. We got there by dug-out canoes.
It was bitterly cold but it was quite peaceful and beautiful. Briefly, I had the world to myself.
I have never really been a 'dawn' person except that I see it as a time to go to bed. But in Africa, I saw many because we had to break camp so early.This is dawn from the heart of the Okavango Delta in Botswana, the biggest inland river delta in the world. We got there by dug-out canoes.
It was bitterly cold but it was quite peaceful and beautiful. Briefly, I had the world to myself.
Who really killed Jesus?
Wednesday, November 12th, 2008
We had a documentary on this subject last night. Interesting but a bit of a ragbag of mixed information. Some tomb has been discovered in Jerusalem and the ossuaries (bone boxes) bear an remarkable range of names like Jesus, Mary, Joseph, Marianne (Mary Magdalene?) and Judah, described as the son of Jesus. Well remarkable until some statistician tells you that all those names were as common as muck in 1st century Judea.
In between all this, there is a discussion on whether or not Pontius Pilate was reluctant to put Jesus to the cross. Couldn't see the connection with the tomb bit but maybe I am thick. Some said Pilate was heartless and ambitious; I could buy that. They also said that the 4 gospels painted him in white in order to kiss arse with the Romans; I could buy that too.
But twice, it was suggested that blaming the Jews for killing JC lead to their persecution over the next 2,000 years. Really? I don't recall the rationale for Hitler's Final Solution being to punish the Jews for the crucifixion. Indeed, I don't think that argument has ever been cited to justify any pogrom.
No, the Jews have copped it throughout history because they tend to stick together, clannish even and, in many cases have been successful in numbers disproportionate to their population. Yes, there is always the nagging doubt as to where their ultimate loyalty lies but that's no reason to go around killing them.
We had a documentary on this subject last night. Interesting but a bit of a ragbag of mixed information. Some tomb has been discovered in Jerusalem and the ossuaries (bone boxes) bear an remarkable range of names like Jesus, Mary, Joseph, Marianne (Mary Magdalene?) and Judah, described as the son of Jesus. Well remarkable until some statistician tells you that all those names were as common as muck in 1st century Judea.
In between all this, there is a discussion on whether or not Pontius Pilate was reluctant to put Jesus to the cross. Couldn't see the connection with the tomb bit but maybe I am thick. Some said Pilate was heartless and ambitious; I could buy that. They also said that the 4 gospels painted him in white in order to kiss arse with the Romans; I could buy that too.
But twice, it was suggested that blaming the Jews for killing JC lead to their persecution over the next 2,000 years. Really? I don't recall the rationale for Hitler's Final Solution being to punish the Jews for the crucifixion. Indeed, I don't think that argument has ever been cited to justify any pogrom.
No, the Jews have copped it throughout history because they tend to stick together, clannish even and, in many cases have been successful in numbers disproportionate to their population. Yes, there is always the nagging doubt as to where their ultimate loyalty lies but that's no reason to go around killing them.
Remembrance Day
Wednesday, November 12th, 2008
Yesterday was Remembrance Day; it's been that way since 1919. The date was chosen because it is the anniversary of the cease fire at the end of World War I. The actual cease fire was at the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month of the year 1918. Rather neat that, I thought at first and then I thought hang on here, did they postpone the end just to get a neat timing for people to remember? Like was it, 'carry on killing each other chaps, we don't want to finish at 10.43 am on the 9th. Nobody will ever remember that.'
So I did some research and I find that the armistice was signed at 5am that day. 6 hours then. I guess that wasn't so bad given the state of telecommunications in those days and those conditions. I suppose some troops could have been told to quit earlier but I for one would not have leapt out of the trenches jumping for joy until I was certain that the other side knew it was all over.
We had our only three survivors at the service in Whitehall yesterday. One of them is the last survivor of fighting in the trenches and another is the sole survivor of the Battle of Jutland. The third was still in training when the war finished but he went on to fight in WWII.
Pity we didn't have a few survivors from the Afghan Wars of the 19th century. They could have told us at first hand why we are wasting our fucking time there today.
Well, we still carry on killing each other so there will be no shortage of future veterans.
Yesterday was Remembrance Day; it's been that way since 1919. The date was chosen because it is the anniversary of the cease fire at the end of World War I. The actual cease fire was at the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month of the year 1918. Rather neat that, I thought at first and then I thought hang on here, did they postpone the end just to get a neat timing for people to remember? Like was it, 'carry on killing each other chaps, we don't want to finish at 10.43 am on the 9th. Nobody will ever remember that.'
So I did some research and I find that the armistice was signed at 5am that day. 6 hours then. I guess that wasn't so bad given the state of telecommunications in those days and those conditions. I suppose some troops could have been told to quit earlier but I for one would not have leapt out of the trenches jumping for joy until I was certain that the other side knew it was all over.
We had our only three survivors at the service in Whitehall yesterday. One of them is the last survivor of fighting in the trenches and another is the sole survivor of the Battle of Jutland. The third was still in training when the war finished but he went on to fight in WWII.
Pity we didn't have a few survivors from the Afghan Wars of the 19th century. They could have told us at first hand why we are wasting our fucking time there today.
Well, we still carry on killing each other so there will be no shortage of future veterans.
Game
Wednesday, November 12th, 2008
I had a partridge for dinner last night. No special recipe, I just wrapped it in bacon and roasted it. It was delicious. But then I do like game.
20 years ago or more, I knew a guy who managed a shoot so I bought a few pheasants from him. It soon developed into a nice little sideline whereby I'd buy a load from him, say 20 or 30 brace on a Sunday and sell them off to my office colleagues on the Monday at 100% profit. Depending on the weather, I use to hang mine for up to a week to develop the taste. Once I forgot about one and left in the shed for three months: it didn't rot, it just mummified. So I cooked it but it was dry and tasteless.
Then there were the partridge, the grey and the red-legged Frenchman. The former is the native British species and the flesh is more delicate. Much later this led me to notice one of the few errors in the Hannibal Lector books. Oh for sure, Thomas Harris had done his research well to portray Hannibal Lector as a gourmet with his taste for Batard Montrachet and white Italian truffles. But he went sadly wrong in saying that the Frenchman is superior to the grey.
Well on this shoot, they also bagged a few other birds and so I got to know and taste woodcock (a little gem), teal, widgeon and the wonderful mallard. Wild duck beats the hell out of any farm reared stuff anyday. The taste is divine and the fat is minimal. These guys fly for a living so they carry no baggage.
Only ever had one grouse which he gave me after going on holiday to a shoot in Northern England. The flesh was purple which I guess came about through eating bilberries. Wonderful for then I finally understood why there is so much fuss about grouse.
There is just one downside to all this. Buying the stuff fresh means you have to pluck them and dress them. No real probs except that most game skin is quite delicate so you can't just rip the feathers off and when they are really young you get all them pin feathers as well. A small price to pay, I thought.
Only ever had one hare too. Had to skin and gut it myself. So much blood, I had to drain it into the ice tray and make blood cubes. Nice and meaty though.
Venison? Too dry for me. No fat and fat is what adds to the taste which is why I think that sirloin is the best beef cut of all. Mind you, I once tried Kobe beef in Japan and that is full of marbled fat. Now that was divine, it just melted in you mouth.
I had a partridge for dinner last night. No special recipe, I just wrapped it in bacon and roasted it. It was delicious. But then I do like game.
20 years ago or more, I knew a guy who managed a shoot so I bought a few pheasants from him. It soon developed into a nice little sideline whereby I'd buy a load from him, say 20 or 30 brace on a Sunday and sell them off to my office colleagues on the Monday at 100% profit. Depending on the weather, I use to hang mine for up to a week to develop the taste. Once I forgot about one and left in the shed for three months: it didn't rot, it just mummified. So I cooked it but it was dry and tasteless.
Then there were the partridge, the grey and the red-legged Frenchman. The former is the native British species and the flesh is more delicate. Much later this led me to notice one of the few errors in the Hannibal Lector books. Oh for sure, Thomas Harris had done his research well to portray Hannibal Lector as a gourmet with his taste for Batard Montrachet and white Italian truffles. But he went sadly wrong in saying that the Frenchman is superior to the grey.
Well on this shoot, they also bagged a few other birds and so I got to know and taste woodcock (a little gem), teal, widgeon and the wonderful mallard. Wild duck beats the hell out of any farm reared stuff anyday. The taste is divine and the fat is minimal. These guys fly for a living so they carry no baggage.
Only ever had one grouse which he gave me after going on holiday to a shoot in Northern England. The flesh was purple which I guess came about through eating bilberries. Wonderful for then I finally understood why there is so much fuss about grouse.
There is just one downside to all this. Buying the stuff fresh means you have to pluck them and dress them. No real probs except that most game skin is quite delicate so you can't just rip the feathers off and when they are really young you get all them pin feathers as well. A small price to pay, I thought.
Only ever had one hare too. Had to skin and gut it myself. So much blood, I had to drain it into the ice tray and make blood cubes. Nice and meaty though.
Venison? Too dry for me. No fat and fat is what adds to the taste which is why I think that sirloin is the best beef cut of all. Mind you, I once tried Kobe beef in Japan and that is full of marbled fat. Now that was divine, it just melted in you mouth.
Monday 10 November 2008
Soy sauce
Monday, November 10th, 2008
Great stuff isn't it? I love it. But , I do think it is important to have more than one variety in your kitchen.
The basic thin Chinese one is fine for pretty much everything but you do need the thicker variety for cooking. Buy the 'Pearl River' brand if you can for it is genuinely Chinese and better than any Western imitation. They do a variety called 'Mushroom Soy' but quite honestly, I cannot tell the difference.
Then we have Japanese soy sauce which is notably different and equally tasty. I don't cook with it but I do sprinkle it on food. And it seems to me that it is the one to mix with wasabi paste for use as a dip with sashimi and sushi.
Ketjap Manis is a sweet and syrupy soy from Indonesia which I cook with in dishes from that area. Quite different from the above but just the right thing when you want it.
Great stuff isn't it? I love it. But , I do think it is important to have more than one variety in your kitchen.
The basic thin Chinese one is fine for pretty much everything but you do need the thicker variety for cooking. Buy the 'Pearl River' brand if you can for it is genuinely Chinese and better than any Western imitation. They do a variety called 'Mushroom Soy' but quite honestly, I cannot tell the difference.
Then we have Japanese soy sauce which is notably different and equally tasty. I don't cook with it but I do sprinkle it on food. And it seems to me that it is the one to mix with wasabi paste for use as a dip with sashimi and sushi.
Ketjap Manis is a sweet and syrupy soy from Indonesia which I cook with in dishes from that area. Quite different from the above but just the right thing when you want it.
Instruction books
Monday, November 10th, 2008
Never forget that instruction books are written by people who understand the product and are written for people who don't. Not only that but they are usually written by geeks. That way you get an acronym like 'SNAFU' on page 5 which is explained on page 126. I'd need 4 thumbs to successfully hold the pages that tell me how to burn a DVD on my TV recorder and I have still no idea how to copy a VHS tape to DVD. Resetting the microwave clock is stunningly illogical and I still don't know how to change the oven timer beep from quiet to loud. Yeah I know I am thick; it been a long time ago since my IQ was tested and then it was a paltry 161.
Then of course we get car manuals where they assume one single book will cover all 127 variants of the bloody car. It's full of crap like 'Automatic Nuclear Alerts (Optional)'. How the hell do I know if I have one? I just bought the 1.8 Zetec cus that's what's on the tail gate.
Many years ago, in my career, Rover Car tested their company executives' understanding of the functions of the trip computer on the Rover 800. They all failed so what chance have we?
Similarly, my company once made the trip computer for the Jaguar XJS and it had a serious design flaw which meant that most functions packed up after six months. No probs at all for in that 6 months, most drivers had given up the ghost on understanding the bloody thing and just left it in clock mode - which worked.
Never forget that instruction books are written by people who understand the product and are written for people who don't. Not only that but they are usually written by geeks. That way you get an acronym like 'SNAFU' on page 5 which is explained on page 126. I'd need 4 thumbs to successfully hold the pages that tell me how to burn a DVD on my TV recorder and I have still no idea how to copy a VHS tape to DVD. Resetting the microwave clock is stunningly illogical and I still don't know how to change the oven timer beep from quiet to loud. Yeah I know I am thick; it been a long time ago since my IQ was tested and then it was a paltry 161.
Then of course we get car manuals where they assume one single book will cover all 127 variants of the bloody car. It's full of crap like 'Automatic Nuclear Alerts (Optional)'. How the hell do I know if I have one? I just bought the 1.8 Zetec cus that's what's on the tail gate.
Many years ago, in my career, Rover Car tested their company executives' understanding of the functions of the trip computer on the Rover 800. They all failed so what chance have we?
Similarly, my company once made the trip computer for the Jaguar XJS and it had a serious design flaw which meant that most functions packed up after six months. No probs at all for in that 6 months, most drivers had given up the ghost on understanding the bloody thing and just left it in clock mode - which worked.
Sunday 9 November 2008
Air Rage
Sunday, November 9th, 2008
This is supposed to be a fairly new phenomenon and if you believe the media, it is entirely down to the passengers. Jeremy Clarkson put it down to the denial of smoking and he may have a point but I do not think it is as simple as that. His conclusion may be nothing more than a chronological coincidence.
I have been flying almost 40 years and witnessed the remorseless decline in both customer service and passenger behaviour and of the latter, I too am guilty. Airline adverts portray blissful people gliding through the skies (always in business class seats) and being served luxurious food and drink by glamorous trolley dollies. And you know and I know, that in reality, it is shite. OK, I have become used to travelling Business Class these past few years so the seats are usually good. The food is reasonably well presented but the taste is generally no better than the works canteen - in Economy/Coach, well for the most part, pigs are better fed. And I have bought better wine at my local supermarket for no more than £5 a bottle. Plus the fact that the reds are always too cold
Service? Well at it's best, it can be excellent but normally it's poor and at the bottom, it cannot be described as service at all - some peroxide old hag chucking peanuts at you. Oh sorry, such is the paranoia over nuts today, that it's more likely to be mini pretzels which are cheaper anyway.
Yes, yes, I know a few do it quite well like Thai but I am talking generally here.
But back to air rage. It doesn't start in the air, it starts on the ground, a time when you can still nip outside for nicotine refreshment. You stand in line and watch the process of checking in. Dear God it's no quicker today than it was 40 years ago. Despite computers, it's no different. 17 members of an Asian family trying to check in 27 packages weighing 2 tonnes, the guy without a ticket who doesn't speak English, someone with a Cambodian passport wanting to fly to Buenos Aires via Tokyo and Vladivostok and that Norwegian blonde girl (I remember her well) insisting that her bicycle should be classed as cabin baggage.
And so eventually you get to the check-in counter and what do you see? A row of seemingly bored and disinterested old farts behind which are another row of staff scurrying around doing absolutely bugger all. You hand over your ticket and passport and wait while the entire book of Genesis is typed into some computer to confirm your booking - and here I am talking about when it all goes well. I've done all this shit on line and it only takes a minute, if that.
And so to security and x-ray. Passport and boarding card checked 11 times. Stand in line behind some old biddy who has already lost her passport in the 10 feet since the last check or the teenager swigging coke to the bitter end and quite oblivious to the 'no liquids' policy. And just when you think, 'I'm next', a wheelchair races past you, its passenger comfortably esconced, and it takes pole position. It's as bad as Disneyworld.
No consistency on the 'belts and shoes off or on' policy, x-ray machines that one day pick up a safety pin and the next day disregard your pocket hand grenade and again the inevitable boarding pass and passport presentation. If you are lucky, that's it: if you are not, then another thorough search of the minutae of your life. Meanwhile, you spot a bearded guy with a tea towel on his head and a brown paper package under his arm just sailing through all the checks.
And wow, you are in the terminal at last. Well I am lucky for if I am using the Flying Blue consortium, I go to the lounge where they at least make a pretence of kissing my arse. But if I was out on my own, I'd be wandering around trying to find a clean table in a bar, cafe or restaurant and stripping stark naked in the hope of gaining a waitress's attention. Is it any wonder that people get pissed out of their minds before boarding?
And then there is the boarding call and you know the dilemma. Move off right away and stand/sit around for ages while bugger all is happening. Delay and when you get aboard, American businessmen have filled the overhead lockers with luggage far greater in size than you have checked into the hold. And as you stand there, you watch the happy moms & dads with able-bodied brats go ahead of you. And yet one more boarding card and passport check and you just might get aboard to your tiny grimy little seat with no leg room and a tattered in-flight magazine. Behind you is an asshole who thinks the only way to secure a tray table is to slam it into the back of your seat and across the aisle is some screaming kid who should have been smacked soundly for the last 3 years.
Finally, you are cheerfully told that having rushed you in here, the flight has been delayed for at least one hour because some cat has been sick on the runway at Newark. Oh let's be serious, it is usually the weather. Didn't they know about the bloody weather before they boarded you? You'd like to think the pilot had some idea at least.
Can you watch the in flight entertainment while you wait? No way! You are going to have to sit tight and shut up.
So is it any wonder, after all this crap, that tempers begin to fray? Nicotine would be a small palliative but that is all. And all the while, you know the airline staff just don't give a shit and your baggage is well on its way to Tibet.
This is supposed to be a fairly new phenomenon and if you believe the media, it is entirely down to the passengers. Jeremy Clarkson put it down to the denial of smoking and he may have a point but I do not think it is as simple as that. His conclusion may be nothing more than a chronological coincidence.
I have been flying almost 40 years and witnessed the remorseless decline in both customer service and passenger behaviour and of the latter, I too am guilty. Airline adverts portray blissful people gliding through the skies (always in business class seats) and being served luxurious food and drink by glamorous trolley dollies. And you know and I know, that in reality, it is shite. OK, I have become used to travelling Business Class these past few years so the seats are usually good. The food is reasonably well presented but the taste is generally no better than the works canteen - in Economy/Coach, well for the most part, pigs are better fed. And I have bought better wine at my local supermarket for no more than £5 a bottle. Plus the fact that the reds are always too cold
Service? Well at it's best, it can be excellent but normally it's poor and at the bottom, it cannot be described as service at all - some peroxide old hag chucking peanuts at you. Oh sorry, such is the paranoia over nuts today, that it's more likely to be mini pretzels which are cheaper anyway.
Yes, yes, I know a few do it quite well like Thai but I am talking generally here.
But back to air rage. It doesn't start in the air, it starts on the ground, a time when you can still nip outside for nicotine refreshment. You stand in line and watch the process of checking in. Dear God it's no quicker today than it was 40 years ago. Despite computers, it's no different. 17 members of an Asian family trying to check in 27 packages weighing 2 tonnes, the guy without a ticket who doesn't speak English, someone with a Cambodian passport wanting to fly to Buenos Aires via Tokyo and Vladivostok and that Norwegian blonde girl (I remember her well) insisting that her bicycle should be classed as cabin baggage.
And so eventually you get to the check-in counter and what do you see? A row of seemingly bored and disinterested old farts behind which are another row of staff scurrying around doing absolutely bugger all. You hand over your ticket and passport and wait while the entire book of Genesis is typed into some computer to confirm your booking - and here I am talking about when it all goes well. I've done all this shit on line and it only takes a minute, if that.
And so to security and x-ray. Passport and boarding card checked 11 times. Stand in line behind some old biddy who has already lost her passport in the 10 feet since the last check or the teenager swigging coke to the bitter end and quite oblivious to the 'no liquids' policy. And just when you think, 'I'm next', a wheelchair races past you, its passenger comfortably esconced, and it takes pole position. It's as bad as Disneyworld.
No consistency on the 'belts and shoes off or on' policy, x-ray machines that one day pick up a safety pin and the next day disregard your pocket hand grenade and again the inevitable boarding pass and passport presentation. If you are lucky, that's it: if you are not, then another thorough search of the minutae of your life. Meanwhile, you spot a bearded guy with a tea towel on his head and a brown paper package under his arm just sailing through all the checks.
And wow, you are in the terminal at last. Well I am lucky for if I am using the Flying Blue consortium, I go to the lounge where they at least make a pretence of kissing my arse. But if I was out on my own, I'd be wandering around trying to find a clean table in a bar, cafe or restaurant and stripping stark naked in the hope of gaining a waitress's attention. Is it any wonder that people get pissed out of their minds before boarding?
And then there is the boarding call and you know the dilemma. Move off right away and stand/sit around for ages while bugger all is happening. Delay and when you get aboard, American businessmen have filled the overhead lockers with luggage far greater in size than you have checked into the hold. And as you stand there, you watch the happy moms & dads with able-bodied brats go ahead of you. And yet one more boarding card and passport check and you just might get aboard to your tiny grimy little seat with no leg room and a tattered in-flight magazine. Behind you is an asshole who thinks the only way to secure a tray table is to slam it into the back of your seat and across the aisle is some screaming kid who should have been smacked soundly for the last 3 years.
Finally, you are cheerfully told that having rushed you in here, the flight has been delayed for at least one hour because some cat has been sick on the runway at Newark. Oh let's be serious, it is usually the weather. Didn't they know about the bloody weather before they boarded you? You'd like to think the pilot had some idea at least.
Can you watch the in flight entertainment while you wait? No way! You are going to have to sit tight and shut up.
So is it any wonder, after all this crap, that tempers begin to fray? Nicotine would be a small palliative but that is all. And all the while, you know the airline staff just don't give a shit and your baggage is well on its way to Tibet.
America - some random thoughts
Sunday, November 9th, 2008
It is easy to mock and criticise America and I confess to doing so on many occasions. I have been lucky enough to visit that country 3 to 6 times a year for 20 years and after a week there, I have been glad to go home. I get tired of that false, cheerful service in restaurants when you feel they don't really give a shit (well apart from them lovely young ladies in Hooters when the place is three parts empty.) The newspapers are crap and most television is just plain trash. The health service is poor unless you have money and the minimum wage is below subsistence level. Tips seem exorbitant until you realise that people depend on them. The list of criticisms is endless. And you could move on to foreign policy and continue forever.
But, I have taken time out on my business trips to see sights and meet folks and in some cases, I have stayed in their homes and they are friends to this day. I tell you that nowhere else on Earth have I been treated so well and made so welcome. Their home is your home when you are there and it's as simple as that. No one else has ever said to me, 'Oh I'll come to see you, while you are here,' and then driven 600 miles to do so and the same again back when I left.
So why so much antipathy? Well, that's easy to see, simplistically. Motivated by oil, pushing back Communism and other things, they have stuck their noses (with helicopters and bullets) into pretty much everywhere. We Brits did the same in the 19th century but we didn't have breaking news or the internet so we got away with it, well a bit.
But that's all US Government foreign policy, which is crass and ill informed. I'd like to look underneath all that and look at the people.
America seems to me to be the most generous nation on Earth. Look at any earthquake, famine, tsunami or whatever and their relief planes are usually first in. They tolerate and fund that bunch of layabouts known as the UN on the banks of the Hudson who never cease to criticise them. They even tolerate the varying degrees of disdain from most of the countries of Europe who would all be speaking German today but for them.
And now they have elected a black man with a Kenyan dad as president just 45 years after they were aroused enough to realise that maybe black folks had rights too. Not only that but his middle name is 'Hussein' and that ain't very Anglo-Saxon. Hello, Iran - I am white with an American dad and my name is Ali Jefferson Smith and I wanna be President of Iran. It is not on, is it?
I could ramble on and on and you could put argument and counter-argument to me and we'd go on forever.
I am not blind to the social inequalities that still exist in America today but ....
All, I ever really wanted to say is that this country, for all its faults, still carries the banner of democracy. And that's a damn sight more than much of this world can say.
It is easy to mock and criticise America and I confess to doing so on many occasions. I have been lucky enough to visit that country 3 to 6 times a year for 20 years and after a week there, I have been glad to go home. I get tired of that false, cheerful service in restaurants when you feel they don't really give a shit (well apart from them lovely young ladies in Hooters when the place is three parts empty.) The newspapers are crap and most television is just plain trash. The health service is poor unless you have money and the minimum wage is below subsistence level. Tips seem exorbitant until you realise that people depend on them. The list of criticisms is endless. And you could move on to foreign policy and continue forever.
But, I have taken time out on my business trips to see sights and meet folks and in some cases, I have stayed in their homes and they are friends to this day. I tell you that nowhere else on Earth have I been treated so well and made so welcome. Their home is your home when you are there and it's as simple as that. No one else has ever said to me, 'Oh I'll come to see you, while you are here,' and then driven 600 miles to do so and the same again back when I left.
So why so much antipathy? Well, that's easy to see, simplistically. Motivated by oil, pushing back Communism and other things, they have stuck their noses (with helicopters and bullets) into pretty much everywhere. We Brits did the same in the 19th century but we didn't have breaking news or the internet so we got away with it, well a bit.
But that's all US Government foreign policy, which is crass and ill informed. I'd like to look underneath all that and look at the people.
America seems to me to be the most generous nation on Earth. Look at any earthquake, famine, tsunami or whatever and their relief planes are usually first in. They tolerate and fund that bunch of layabouts known as the UN on the banks of the Hudson who never cease to criticise them. They even tolerate the varying degrees of disdain from most of the countries of Europe who would all be speaking German today but for them.
And now they have elected a black man with a Kenyan dad as president just 45 years after they were aroused enough to realise that maybe black folks had rights too. Not only that but his middle name is 'Hussein' and that ain't very Anglo-Saxon. Hello, Iran - I am white with an American dad and my name is Ali Jefferson Smith and I wanna be President of Iran. It is not on, is it?
I could ramble on and on and you could put argument and counter-argument to me and we'd go on forever.
I am not blind to the social inequalities that still exist in America today but ....
All, I ever really wanted to say is that this country, for all its faults, still carries the banner of democracy. And that's a damn sight more than much of this world can say.
Saturday 8 November 2008
The split infinitive
Saturday, November 8th, 2008
I don't know an exact definition of the infinitive of a verb so I shall stick with my own perception. The infinitive of a verb seems to be its very root and takes the form of thing like 'to ....' as in 'to go', 'to walk', 'to celebrate' etc. Traditional English grammar thinking says that you should put nothing between the 'to' bit and the verb that follows. For then the infinitive is split. Well, yes, for so it would be. And of course that is serious bad news for the most famous split infinitive of all time - Star Trek's 'to boldly go.'
I don't get this. In English (as distinct from many other languages), we bung the adjective in front of the noun so why not the adverb in front of the verb? If kept simple, the meaning is perfectly clear and thereby fulfills the requirement of any language which is to communicate clearly.
I feel strongly about this. My very first boss would never tolerate any split infinitive in my advertising copywriting and one of the last used to drone on for hours if ever I used one. Both were tedious.
It is not my purpose to suggest that the infinitive is split willfully but if it is done in moderation and as comes naturally, then so be it.
All of this has nothing to do with the corruption of word meanings for that is a wholly different subject and can lead to misunderstanding.
I don't know an exact definition of the infinitive of a verb so I shall stick with my own perception. The infinitive of a verb seems to be its very root and takes the form of thing like 'to ....' as in 'to go', 'to walk', 'to celebrate' etc. Traditional English grammar thinking says that you should put nothing between the 'to' bit and the verb that follows. For then the infinitive is split. Well, yes, for so it would be. And of course that is serious bad news for the most famous split infinitive of all time - Star Trek's 'to boldly go.'
I don't get this. In English (as distinct from many other languages), we bung the adjective in front of the noun so why not the adverb in front of the verb? If kept simple, the meaning is perfectly clear and thereby fulfills the requirement of any language which is to communicate clearly.
I feel strongly about this. My very first boss would never tolerate any split infinitive in my advertising copywriting and one of the last used to drone on for hours if ever I used one. Both were tedious.
It is not my purpose to suggest that the infinitive is split willfully but if it is done in moderation and as comes naturally, then so be it.
All of this has nothing to do with the corruption of word meanings for that is a wholly different subject and can lead to misunderstanding.
Vegan cheese burgers
Saturday, November 8th, 2008
Can you believe this? I laughed out loud when I stumbled across them on the net. And then I watched a young lad (with longer hair at the front than the back) make them Jamie Oliver style in the kitchen along with an organic (but of course) filling of tomatoes, onions and avocado. He use a silly small knife and was in serious danger of cutting himself. If he had, I wondered, would he lick the wound for that would mean ingesting an animal product? A dilemma there I suspect.
And then there is organic bit. OK I understand the veggies even though I couldn't give a damn myself. Bring on GM crops I say. But the cheese and the burger? Maybe they are entirely organic ingredients but then a feat of chemical engineering is required to make them taste and feel like the real thing.
And then there is vitamin B12 which you only get in animal products or in fortified food. But it's never been properly synthesised so where does it come from as an additive? You may say bacteria and you may well be right. But what are bacteria? They breed, they move and wriggle around. Sounds very animal like to me.
No matter, it all seems harmless and as my Yorkshire Physics master used to say, ' Thar's nowt so queer as folk.'
Can you believe this? I laughed out loud when I stumbled across them on the net. And then I watched a young lad (with longer hair at the front than the back) make them Jamie Oliver style in the kitchen along with an organic (but of course) filling of tomatoes, onions and avocado. He use a silly small knife and was in serious danger of cutting himself. If he had, I wondered, would he lick the wound for that would mean ingesting an animal product? A dilemma there I suspect.
And then there is organic bit. OK I understand the veggies even though I couldn't give a damn myself. Bring on GM crops I say. But the cheese and the burger? Maybe they are entirely organic ingredients but then a feat of chemical engineering is required to make them taste and feel like the real thing.
And then there is vitamin B12 which you only get in animal products or in fortified food. But it's never been properly synthesised so where does it come from as an additive? You may say bacteria and you may well be right. But what are bacteria? They breed, they move and wriggle around. Sounds very animal like to me.
No matter, it all seems harmless and as my Yorkshire Physics master used to say, ' Thar's nowt so queer as folk.'
Friday 7 November 2008
A waste of 'Bloody' money
Friday, November 7th, 2008
Back in 1972, British troops opened fire on an illegal street march in Londonderry, Northern Ireland killing 14 innocent Roman Catholic civilians and injuring others. The victims were unarmed and there is little or no evidence to suppose that any of the marchers were armed. Indeed, several of the dead were shot in the back as they fled so they were unlikely to be firing back or lobbing nail bombs. Yes, I appreciate that you can do that over your shoulder but it is very imprecise.
This event quickly became know as 'Bloody Sunday'. An inquiry, shortly afterwards deemed that neither the British government nor the soldiers were to blame. Understandably, the outcome was condemned as a 'whitewash' by the other side. Me, I just think it was yet another 'cock up' - a bunch of young inexperienced soldiers confronted by several thousand (some say up to 20k) protesters , some of whom were lobbing rocks, so the soldiers panicked and opened fire. And I really believe that's all there is to it.
The news today is that the findings of the second official inquiry (set up in 1998, no less) will be delayed until next year. The cost to date is £181 million and, unsurprisingly, half of that has gone on lawyer's fees. One lawyer alone has picked £4 million and another described it as a financial godsend. And all this for what? Nothing, I suspect except a few points of detail we may have missed the first time around.
Nothing is going to bring those dead people back. Better that we should have given the grieving families some compensation quickly and said 'sorry'. It was obviously a complete 'fuck up' just as the shooting down of the Iranian Airbus and the Korean 747 and many other incidents were. Such a gesture might even have calmed things down a bit.
Martin McGuinness was the leader of the Provisional IRA in Londonderry at the time and there's a man with much blood on his hands, either directly or by default. He said recently that an inquiry was unnecessary and that an apology from the British Government would have sufficed. Now he may have a hidden agenda for it has been said that he was there and fired the first shot - we shall never know.
I never ever thought that I would agree with Martin McGuinness on anything. Today, I do.
Back in 1972, British troops opened fire on an illegal street march in Londonderry, Northern Ireland killing 14 innocent Roman Catholic civilians and injuring others. The victims were unarmed and there is little or no evidence to suppose that any of the marchers were armed. Indeed, several of the dead were shot in the back as they fled so they were unlikely to be firing back or lobbing nail bombs. Yes, I appreciate that you can do that over your shoulder but it is very imprecise.
This event quickly became know as 'Bloody Sunday'. An inquiry, shortly afterwards deemed that neither the British government nor the soldiers were to blame. Understandably, the outcome was condemned as a 'whitewash' by the other side. Me, I just think it was yet another 'cock up' - a bunch of young inexperienced soldiers confronted by several thousand (some say up to 20k) protesters , some of whom were lobbing rocks, so the soldiers panicked and opened fire. And I really believe that's all there is to it.
The news today is that the findings of the second official inquiry (set up in 1998, no less) will be delayed until next year. The cost to date is £181 million and, unsurprisingly, half of that has gone on lawyer's fees. One lawyer alone has picked £4 million and another described it as a financial godsend. And all this for what? Nothing, I suspect except a few points of detail we may have missed the first time around.
Nothing is going to bring those dead people back. Better that we should have given the grieving families some compensation quickly and said 'sorry'. It was obviously a complete 'fuck up' just as the shooting down of the Iranian Airbus and the Korean 747 and many other incidents were. Such a gesture might even have calmed things down a bit.
Martin McGuinness was the leader of the Provisional IRA in Londonderry at the time and there's a man with much blood on his hands, either directly or by default. He said recently that an inquiry was unnecessary and that an apology from the British Government would have sufficed. Now he may have a hidden agenda for it has been said that he was there and fired the first shot - we shall never know.
I never ever thought that I would agree with Martin McGuinness on anything. Today, I do.
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