Hope Diamond and things.

Friday, October 31st, 2008

I know why it's called the 'Hope Diamond.'

When I was in the
Smithsonian, I hoped to prise it from its case with a penknife. I failed. It is quite beautiful though isn't it?

But then, so is the Koh-i-Noor (Mountain of Light), a white diamond set in the Queen Consort's crown. I shall never forget that split second when the Queen Mother's gun carriage came out from under Horse Guards arch and the sun hit it - every dazzling colour of the rainbow. It is said that it can only be worn by God or a woman and brings a curse on any man who wears it. Load of crap, I think, but yea I am not going to try it.

So after the Hope, I moved across the room to a sheet of native copper, the size of a dinner table and tried to bend a piece off at the corner. It was too hard.

The Smithsonian is brilliant but like all great museums, you need to visit many times to see it all - and then many, many more times to savour it.

Virgin Atlantic and the hypocrisy of Richard Branson

Friday, October 31st, 2008

When Virgin Atlantic first appeared on the scene, it offered a fresh and entertaining alternative to British Airways. Cheerful young cabin staff who seemed eager to please. Reasonable fares too. It's not the same today for many reasons.

Today, we read that 13 cabin crew members have been fired for going on to Facebook and describing the passengers as 'chavs' - well many of them are and I see them all the time. Just try 5 am at Cardiff Airport as I said earlier.

It seems that this band of 13 also said that the planes were full of cockroaches. I am sure that they are for we have a maintenance centre in Cardiff and that services the 747's and 777's of BA and others. You just ask them about the shit, bugs, fungi and filth which lies behind the panelling on any aircraft coming in for routine service. Down behind the toilet panels, it's even worse, cus we blokes don't always aim straight at the best of times and certainly not in turbulence.

Many years ago, there was gossip in Cardiff that he flew in a 747 for routine maintenance and was told, 'er no fella, this one needs a lot more than that.' So he flew it out to Hong Kong for a cheapie. Gossip, I know but you have to wonder.

Branson may moan on about BA (for which I hold no candle) but he collaborated with them on fuel surcharges until he blew the whistle and escaped prosecution. What's this? 'OK, guvnor, I sure robbed the bank but it was with them guys so if I give you their names, can I get off?.

Then you get his implacable hostility to any link between BA and American Airlines but you hear no mention of any opposition to United and Lufthansa in the Star Alliance or Northwest's long term involvement with KLM and later Air France. The latter don't fly long-haul from Heathrow and threaten him so he keeps his gob shut. And he is quiet about his affiliation with Continental which totally dominates Newark.

Next. Have you sat down and compared his prices with those of BA for the same route on the same day? In general, but not always, there is not a gnat's cock between them

And finally, have you seen how he has rushed in to accept the Lufthansa/bmi merger and be a part of it. His logic here would appear to be that bmi are 2nd in the control of Heathrow slots and together with Lufthansa, they may well damage BA.

Last time I flew Virgin, it was in Premium Economy, a concept invented by BA. It was OK but no better than that of BA except that the cabin crew were younger. Does Mr. Branson operate an ageist policy I wonder?

Like I said, I hold no candle for BA. I see them as ordinary and the cabin staff to be rather stiff and starchy. But Virgin Atlantic has lost its fresh edge. Better that Branson focuses on breathing life into this.

Right now, I see him as obsessive and hypocritical.

Snot and post-it notes

Friday, October 31st, 2008

I can hear your revulsion right now, but think about it.

That adhesive on post-it notes sticks very well but it is also so very peelable and also re-peelable. Did 3M get the idea from snot for it has the same properties?

Gross, you may say but it's thought provoking, for me at least.

Northern Ireland

Friday, October 31st, 2008

I have never been to Northern Ireland and given the fact that I am English and the events of the past 40 years, you will understand why.

It seems calm now and I know that many parts of very beautiful. I shall give it a try in the not too distant future.

Another reflection

Thursday, October 30th, 2008

59. I have read that urban squirrels prefer junk food. Are you surprised given that is made to be tasty? Kids and squirrels follow their instincts. Adults pretend to be sensible but they are jealous.

I really love Chinese food but when me and my partner arrived in the Hong Kong dawn, having sailed down the so-called Perfume River from Guangzhou, we headed straight for Macdonald's. Same when I got back from working in Australia in 1974. KLM gave me a meal voucher while I waited so I spent it on sausages, chips and baked beans.

Pearl Harbour and Afghanistan

Thursday, October 30th, 2008

For many years in the post war era, Japan was looked upon, with regard to manufacturing at least, as the smartest country in the world. The gloss has faded a bit but Toyota is still chasing the top spot for the world's largest car producer - and it makes money too.

So how on Earth did they come to attack Pearl Harbour? Surely, this was one of the dumbest decisions of all time. A small chain of poxy little islands with negligible natural resources takes on the mightiest nation on Earth, a nation that had yet to reach the height of its power. And not only that, they actually knew that the US carriers were at sea and could hit back at them.

Stupid. Why even the Huns, Vandals, Visigoths and the rest waited for Rome's decline before having a go.

And so to Afghanistan. What the hell are we doing there? No western power has ever won there. The Afghan wars of the 19th C had their moments but there was no long term gain and quite a bit of loss. And much later, the Russians had a go and it ended up just the same as Vietnam. I'd quit and leave them to it.

No, no, you say, what about the civilian casualties? Well, I don't have the numbers but I wonder if they would be any worse if we walked away.

Lancashire Cheese

Thursday, October 30th, 2008

In a world of 1,001 varieties of Cheddar, ranging from awful to lovely, Lancashire Cheese is an oasis in which I have rarely been disappointed. For much of my life, it came in two varieties, Creamy Lancashire and Tasty Lancashire. Recently, they have added Crumbly Lancashire, the mildest form. Never tasted it.

Can't understand why the latter got it's title for any genuine Lancashire is crumbly and many would regard the first two as Britain's finest toasting cheeses. Creamy is nice but Tasty can be stunning - really sharp and full of flavour. And just as on toast, if you hold it in your mouth, it melts. I've bought the Tasty variety in Lancashire itself and there have been times that it has burned the roof of my mouth as an aftermath. But, like many good curries, the taste is great and the burning is a small price to pay.

Much Lancashire is still produced on small farms and that's what you want. You can get the anonymous packaged stuff in many supermarkets but what you really want is the fresh cut stuff from a single farm. Look for it.

Porsche

Thursday, October 30th, 2008

Well, Porsche have now bought options that will take it to a majority stake in VW, 75% it is said. Where this leads us, I do not know but it could be interesting. As you might expect, Porsche has said that they will make VW focus on engineering and stop chasing financial markets. There is also a certain irony here, given that Ferdinand Porsche, the company's founder, also designed the VW Beetle.

I have only been to Porsche once and that was to the Engineering Centre at Weissach, deep in the Black Forest. The place was full of cars from all over Europe for which Porsche was offering design consultancy. I heard at the time, that they made more money from this than they did from making cars.

My most abiding memory of the visit was the relatively luxury of the site compared to any other automotive site I have seen before or since. And to top it all, there was the restaurant.

No company canteen here, a proper restaurant. White cotton tablecloths, silver service and china crockery each emblazoned with the company logo. There was a proper menu and a wine list; we had Chablis as I recall. And with the coffee, you got little chocolates each with the logo on them and wrapped in pink paper, again with the logo on them.

We did not win business with Porsche which is a pity for I should have like to have gone back there, often.

Sheer bloody stupidity

Thursday, October 30th, 2008

So America launches a helicopter attack on Syria allegedly in pursuit of some al Qaeda guy. Unsurprisingly, some civilians got killed. Well, America has very good reasons for going after al Qaeda but this is not the way to go about it.

The same goes for all the other terrorism emanating from the Middle East. Jews kill Arabs and Arabs kill Jews and some Muslims travel the world to kill what they perceive are the supporters of Israel. And the outcome is just the same - innocent civilians get killed and there is no progress towards peace.

America needs to calm down and quit throwing its weight around against the Muslim world. And the Muslims need to lighten up and not to think that the whole West is against them, even if we make jokes about Allah. We make jokes about Christ too, you know.

And Israel needs to treat Arabs with respect while the Arabs need to stop the bombings.

I am aware that these are simplistic comments. However, just reflect on the conflict in Northern Ireland. 30 years of bloodshed which got neither side anywhere. Only when people sat down and talked and, most importantly buried the past, did we make progress.

My grandad was gassed in WWI but I cannot seek revenge on the Germans forever about that.

History is history and we must learn from that but nothing will ever bring the dead back to life. Maybe a little chat will reduce the future dead. Time we moved on.

Mountain Gorillas

Wednesday, October 29th, 2008

There are no Mountain Gorillas in zoos and there are say 600 or 700 or so left in the world. All live in a mountainous area on the borders of Uganda, Rwanda and the Democratic Republic of the Congo. A few groups have been 'human habituated' which means to say that, although wild, they are used to humans being around them. Only one group of people can trek to see any single group each day: the group is limited to a max of 8 and your time with them is one hour and no more.

I trekked to see such a group in May this year. It was extra special to be so close to these gentle creatures with adults eating and the kids larking around. A 2 yo played a game with me with a twig with a few leaves on it and then put his hand out to me. Well, I did not shake hands for the bacteria on mine might have killed him.

If you wish to see some of my pictures, then go to:

http://homepage.mac.com/wildlifeweb/gorillas/images/main.html

Another reflection

Wednesday, October 29th, 2008

306. And yes, when I was not keen on the food that my mom served me (not that it was often), she told me to think of the ‘starving Chinese’. Quite honestly, at 8 years old, I really didn’t care.

Batteries

Wednesday, October 29th, 2008

Many things are noted as moments of great advancement of mankind - the making of fire, weapons (they an advancement?), steam power, the wheel and the list goes on and on. I don't think I have ever seen anyone mention the battery but where would we be without them? Just think how many batteries there are around your home and where you would be without them.

Oh yes, you could use a candle instead of a torch but a candle won't work a portable radio. And then outside, there is your car. How many of you, have hand cranked one? Yes it works, but you have to watch your thumb. Just imagine the sympathy from fellow road users if you had to get out and hand crank if you stalled at the traffic lights.

But then I was chemist and batteries are an example of practical chemistry personified - your own little chemical experiment going on with you even noticing. Love them.

We are well fucked now

Tuesday, October 28th, 2008

This banking thing just gets worse and worse. Today, I read that the Government is borrowing so much money that borrowings per taxpayer are forecast to rise to £3,225 by 2011 from a figure of £501 in 1997. Yes, I know that our debt as a %age of GDP are below the OECD average but that's just statistics. The debt figures don't even include the recent banking bail-outs.

And you know exactly who is going to fund this? The middle class taxpayers, smokers, drinkers, air travelers, motorists and any other soft target they can think of.

Still don't understand how this happened so quickly. When I ran a business, we got it wrong at times - both ways -nothing like this. Sure we had our own sub-prime issue - it was called 'slow moving stock' so we had to be honest with ourselves and make provisions for that.

I've changed my mind. The Town Hall stocks are too good for these bankers. Bring back 'prison with hard labour', I say.

Le Mans 24 hours

Monday, October 27th, 2008

This is the start of the Le Mans 24 hours race back in 2002. It is not just a race, it is a party and much more. Hordes of Brits go out there in cars of all types and ages. Can you imagine being on the car ferry with a Bugatti alongside you and a Bentley just two cars behind? Then you leave the ferry and process down the roads to Le Mans, stopping for breakfast in delightful cafes. On the way back, the roadsides of the villages and towns are thronged with French people waving at you.


I have been to this race many times and I am going back in 2009, this time in my mate's 1950's Healey. It should be a good weekend out for the boys.

London Olympics 2012

Monday, October 27th, 2008

Among my post retirement reflections, I wrote, light heartedly:

6. If you thought the opening of Terminal 5 was a shambles, just wait and see how we shall fuck up the 2012 Olympics.

Well, it's well over budget already and today several athletes are putting out pleas for sponsorship for badges or the like to be pasted to their sports clothing at a price of course. Nothing to get excited about there but get this:

At the 2012 Games, it is planned to commemorate the 40th anniversary of the Israeli athlete's massacre by Palestinians at the Munich Games. And the Metropolitan Police are going to get 'expert advice' on how this should be managed so as not to offend 'local and travelling Muslims.'

I'll say no more.

K2

Monday, October 27th, 2008

There is no mountain like K2 - second highest in the world and perfectly shaped. I fell in love with it when I first saw this picture taken in 1907 (I think) on the Duke of Abruzzi's expedition. The Sunday Times this weekend called it every child's image of a mountain - conical and steep on all sides.

11 climbers died there in one accident back in August and many regard it as the most difficult mountain in the world. I think about 1 in 4 climbers have died attempting it compared to 1 in 11 for the Himalayas as a whole.









This is a second picture clearly showing its simple beauty. Well, I quit my brief and modest attempts at climbing when the kids were born although we did some daft things together on mountains as they grew up.

I really would like to stand on the Baltoro Glacier and gaze upon this.

Carrying laptops

Sunday, October 26th, 2008

In my entire business career, I never, ever carried a laptop. By the time they became affordable and reasonably light, I had a great Management Team and an excellent secretary. The team could run the company without me and anyway, they could reach me by phone if they really need my judgement or approval. The fax still works you know so if I had to see a document, then they could use that.

Linda went through my email everyday and dumped the real trash, say 50%. Others, requiring action, she would delegate to Team members just as I would have done if at home. The rest, which she thought I might like to read, she collated in a folder. Her judgment was excellent so on a week's trip, she'd only pass on the vital stuff to wherever I was staying or phone me and read them out to me. Typically on a week's trip, I'd get 3, maybe 4 from her.

Yes, I was lucky in that, at my time of life I had the Team and Linda. The young are clearly not so lucky and while a few can be seen beavering away, the same cannot be said for the majority. Sit in any airport lounge and look around: most seem to be in a state of transcendental meditation hitting perhaps one key every 15 seconds, if that. Same goes for on board the plane.

There's a lesson here and that is you can have too much communication. I love progress but in the days of post and fax, people had to think and filter their thoughts before passing on them to all and sundry. And when, you think about things, you often come to the conclusion that it was not important after all.

I never saw, 'Well, I sent him an email,' as an excuse and I never will.

I frequently travelled in a business suit and that made airport security staff think that I must have a laptop. So when asked at X-ray, 'Do you have a laptop?', My response was, 'Good Lord, no, I have people to carry things like that.' It often made them giggle and I smiled too.

The Arctic

Sunday, October 26th, 2008

The Sunday Times today reports that the Arctic ice cap is now even melting in winter. So the theory goes, the increasingly warm summers heat up the ocean more and that in turn makes it more difficult to freeze again in winter. Plausible, I thought.

That's bad news for the polar bear but good news for Sarah Palin who wants them off the endangered list anyway. I'm trying to help. My carbon footprint is well down since I left work: I have only done 17 flights this year.

They say that when the Greenland ice cap goes, the cold water run off will bugger the Gulf Stream so then we might really see 'The Day after tomorrow' - live!

So if you have the time and money, go see it before it's gone. Here's a glimpse of my trip around the Svalbard archipelago in 2006:

Mind you, we were told that it was just like this back in 1897 so maybe there is a little hope. Somehow I doubt it.

Hitler and supermarket kids

Sunday, October 26th, 2008

A while after Hitler came to power, he sent troops into the Rhineland in contravention of the Treaty of Versailles, which ended WWI. The Allies tut-tutted but did nothing. So next he went for the Anschluss with Austria (ostensibly a merger but really a takeover) and nobody said much. Following that, he occupied the Sudetenland, a German speaking part of Czechoslovakia and went on to take out the whole of the country. Our Prime Minister went out to see him for a chat and got nowhere. So next Hitler threatened Poland and was warned not to do so by the Allies. Well why should he be bothered, he'd got away with everything before. And so we had WWII.

And so to the supermarket where we get so many unruly kids. Mommy says, 'Don't do that, darling,' and does so repeatedly. The kid takes no notice and the cycle continues. In a supermarket the other day, the woman in front of me at the checkout only managed to pack one item in her bag before the brat ran off and she chased after him. No sooner had she packed the 2nd item and he was off and so was she. And so the charade continued until he tripped and banged his head against the counter.


Hardly in the same league as Hitler I know but the same old lesson. As I have said before, appeasement doesn't pay.

Penguins drive on the left

Sunday, October 26th, 2008

You think I am joking? No.

There is place called Baily Head on Deception Island in the South Shetlands and up in the hills live '000's may be a 100,000 or more Chinstrap Penguins in a vast amphitheatre. They only have one sensible route to the sea and that is by way of a relatively narrow gully. And up and down they march in huge numbers all day for the fishing.

Those coming up the hill stick to their own left hand side of the gully and likewise those coming down stick to theirs. Yes there is some mingling but not a lot. Needless to say, no one else noticed it.

If you still don't believe me, look at this:

Positive discrimation again

Friday, October 24th, 2008

It will be blind pilots next. I warn you

There but for the grace ..........

Friday, October 24th, 2008

One day at school, when I think I was 7, I was taken across to the Junior school and sat in a classroom with older kids. We got these examination papers and we had to fill them in, which I did. No frigging idea what was going on. And that was it and I heard no more about it for years.

Much later on, my mom told me that I had sat an 11+ examination (the state examination of the time for entry into grammar schools) and passed it. The plot apparently was to send me at 7 to George Dixon's Grammar School, a school for kids of 11 or older and then if all went well, I would go to King Edward VI School in Birmingham, one of the best schools in the country.

Well, I didn't and to this day, I don't know why. But I'm glad for I might have ended up as a boffin and never had as much fun. Mind you, I'd still like to get my hands on that Large Hadron Collider. It wouldn't be just protons I'd be colliding; imagine cabbages just for a start.

The Daily Mash

Friday, October 24th, 2008

The Daily Mash is a satirical internet daily bulletin commenting on contemporary subjects. It's language is quite profane, even worse that mine.

I should warn any foreign readers that you need to be aware of the true news of the day if you wish to completely understand how the Daily Mash is taking the piss.

This is just one article and it is so true:

NINETY-NINE PERCENT HAVE FUCK ALL ANYWAY

MILLIONS of Britons last night realised the collapse of the banking system meant nothing to them as they have no money anyway.

Many people's savings have Dolby Surround

As Gordon Brown unveiled his latest multi-billion pound guess, people across the country said not only do they have no savings but they do not know anyone who does.

Tom Logan, an IT consultant from Peterborough, said: "I've got a £3000 overdraft, a £17,000 car loan and a mortgage the size of Canada - does that count as savings?

"I always assumed that if the banks went down all my debts would be cancelled and I'd get a free house."

He added: "I think we should let one or two of them collapse. Just to see what happens."

Charlie Reeves, a salesman from Bristol, said: "Why do we need banks? I'm more than happy to pay cash for my lager and my cheese products. And the guy who sells me knocked-off Bulgarian pornography does not - and never will - accept Visa."

He added: "Who the fuck is saving all this money? Old people? Is that it? We're going through all of this for old people?

"Can't we send them all on a cruise during which there would be the most appalling 'tragedy'?

"Then we'd just have lots of half-pissed, cheese-eating porn fiends with a wallet full of tenners.

"Why not?"

I just find it hilarious.

Scamp

Friday, October 24th, 2008

I know I said earlier that I wasn't fond of dogs but that is my position as an adult. As a child, it was different.

Scamp was my dog and I mean MY dog. When I was 5 or 6, I used to meet him roaming the streets on my way home from school. He was an Alsatian/Greyhound cross which meant he was a kinda fast big dog. He used to follow me home and my parents had to chase him away.

One day, his owners came to our house. I don't know what they said but it was something like that he was better off with me. So we kept him. He was as gentle as a lamb with me and my siblings and my friends but quite ferocious if he thought any of us were threatened. He went off with us across the fields and down by the river and I guess my parents thought we were safe with Scamp.

He died whilst I was away at University so he had a long life. Scamp was a mate.

Autumn has arrived

Friday, October 24th, 2008

Of course it has you say, the autumnal equinox was back in September. Well that and the solstices are a sun thing. It's what's happening on the ground that matters. Sure the temperature is falling but living in Britain, that can happen anytime.

For me the litmus test of autumn is the leaves. The nearest main road from me is about 50 yards away and it is lined with plane trees, big ones, presumably planted in the 1930's when the houses were built. They have a heck of a lot of big leaves and a few fall off almost any day.

But last weekend was a big dump. Not all the leaves but lots. So many that they piled up on the footpath inches or even feet deep. Like any kid I love walking through them and kicking them.

So that's it, autumn has arrived. The clocks go back Saturday and the darkness cometh.

Conspiracy theories

Thursday, October 23rd, 2008

Don't like them, never have.

AJP Taylor, one time Emeritus Professor of History at Oxford (if I remember correctly) once said, 'If you wish to understand history, look for the cock-up not the conspiracy'. Well something like that. And I think that he was dead right.

I am not denying conspiracies: they happen all the time. But in my view, practical conspiracies have to be small which is to say restricted to a few. For sure, the consequences may be big - I mean it just took 3 guys to slay Julius Caesar.

But it's the big ones that bother me like the assassination of JFK, Apollo 11 and Princess Di. How on Earth do you engineer things like that and keep everyone's gob shut?

Load of bollocks if you ask me.

Biscuits

Thursday, October 23rd, 2008

I simply love biscuits (crackers to you Americans). They are totally addictive - you take one and then you want another.

Linda, my lovely secretary and buddy for years understood and made sure that there was a constant supply at work. Together with coffee of course although it would have been easier to have taken this intravenously.

It's hard to pick a favourite but if forced, I'd go for them Digestives with dark chocolate on the back. Fig biscuits are nice but I never got many of them because Gavin (my FD) liked them too. Pig!

Love the savoury ones too especially them with that creamy cheese paste in the middle. These are not to be munched. Peel off the top cracker and then lick the creamy filling before gobbling the rest.

Racism and positive discrimination

Thursday, October 23rd, 2008

I wrote this late last night. I am not changing it in the cold light of day.

I don’t think anyone can truthfully say that we are completely free of racism for I believe that it a feeling that lurks within our minds – the fear of something strange and not quite like ourselves. It doesn’t have to be white v black, it could be Yorkshire v Lancashire and that goes back a long way. And it is certainly alive and well, in Wales v England, at least for the Welsh. The English of course don’t give a shit.

I read somewhere once that this was natural. If you kept the pack tight and did not allow intruders, then interbreeding would allow the good genes to multiply quickly and spread and the baddies would be quickly disposed of. That makes some sense but then there are very good arguments for promoting the diversity of the gene pool. I am not a geneticist so I shall leave it.

To me it seems that racism is shaped by the events of your youth. In my case, it was all positive. I was raised in a small, almost totally white little town. The only brown kid we knew was Tommy Godden from down the road. We did of course ask my mom why Tommy was darker than us and she said he’d got sunburned as a child. You may mock this but it was good enough for us kids and anyway, Tommy was part of the gang. I think that says a lot for although we saw that his skin was different, he was just a part of us.

Then I went to University and met people of every description, the only unifying factor being the possession of 3 ‘A’ levels. The only issues that existed between us were things like ‘can he hold his drink?’, ‘is he a swot?’ and matters like that. As with all people, there are some you like and some you don’t, some you respect and some you don’t – it has nothing to do with race.

So on to London for my first job and a flat on the Finchley Road. The folks up above were from Trinidad, Ronnie & Myrtle without a doubt, the two best friends of my life. So many hours we spent together and Myrtle’s roti was second to none and available 24/7. They had a couple of kids and we had wonderful times together. Later, I moved, married and had kids and we still mingled. Still adore the picture of Ronnie carrying Peter on his shoulders in front of the Natural History Museum.

Sadly Ronnie died early and we lost touch. Ronnie gave me my first copy of Mahler’s 2^nd Symphony.

Then there was Merrill, the Jamaican guy who lived downstairs when I got married. Soul mates me and him. Dear God, we nattered for hours and this man introduced me to Beethoven’s 9^th Symphony for which I am eternally grateful.

So life moved on. All sorts of people have crossed my path and my evaluation of them has been based on their merits and nothing else.

And then we moved into the 90’s and that was when I really became aware of positive discrimination. Sure, I read about it but then I experienced it too, face to face. Suddenly, important roles in GM were being filled with young black females who were completely out of their depth and being advised by their young white male juniors. It was embarrassing on all sides. It did nothing to enhance the self confidence of those young ladies. On the contrary, it probably reinforced feelings of inferiority.

And then in the 2000’s, I had a relationship with a black girl from Baltimore – we are still buddies but we fight like hell but that’s another matter and it has nothing to do with race.. She hated positive discrimination because she felt it demeaned her, she hated sporting and pop star blacks being held up as icons to black youth. She simply wanted to be treated like the rest of us, a normal human being, that’s all. I love her to bits.

And that’s it. All these ‘Black History Weeks’, ‘Asian Women’s Resources Centres’ and all the other crap only serve to reinforce the divide. I am sure that they are well intentioned and probably conceived in cosy white middle class homes but they make the ‘darkies’ feel different and they are not. They have all the feelings and aspirations of the whites and they should be treated as equals.

Go to fucking Africa and see them. The kids’ thirst to learn is way and beyond anything that I have seen in British kids. Sit with them and chat or just kick a ball about and then you will understand that they are no different. So do not treat them differently nor put them on show like we did in Victorian circuses.

The best thing we can do to fight racism is very simple. Just show black and coloured people that we respect them as equals. And if some white kid says they are not, then quietly correct him. And if he doesn’t listen, then smack the shit out of him because a ‘Black History Week’ sure isn’t going to change his opinion.

When I wrote down my retirement reflections back in Dec 2007, this was one of them:

284. People say 'don't get down to their level' when you are dealing with assholes. Why not? Getting down to their level is the only level they understand. That is why ASBO’s are not written in Latin.

Think about it

ACC's

Wednesday, October 22nd, 2008

An ACC is an automatic climate control which is to say a unit that controls the operation of your vehicle air conditioning system automatically. You set the desired temperature and maybe the blower speed and it did the rest for you. Here you are talking of something between 50 and 150 US dollars and that's the volume price. Try buying one at your local service centre and you are talking about 3 to 5 times more.

We made a lot of these in the company I managed before retirement and they earned me a lot of money. But do you need one? No!

I've got a small car now and it has a manually controlled heater/aircon panel. So when I feel a bit warm, I turn it down and when I feel a bit cold, I turn it up. Easy innit. And it costs about a third of the price of the ACC.

Nearco

Wednesday, October 22nd, 2008

Yeah, I bet most of you have never heard of him, but I have. Nearco was a horse.

I quite like horses although I have never owned one nor wanted to. I cleaned the bakery stables as a kid but that was for money. Most were OK but Gypsy was a bitch for she'd bite you as soon as look at you. She was a strong horse and one Saturday, I got her up to galloping speed pulling the cart down the Ashby Road in Tamworth. I got a bollocking for that.

Nearco is really special. A great winner in his own right, never lost a race, but he had two even more famous grandkids:

Arkle, by common consent, was the greatest steeplechaser of all time. He didn't win all his races but in his prime he won them outright and at handicap weights which were horrendous. I saw him on TV many times. He came 2nd in his last race but that was with a broken leg.

Northern Dancer, a Canadian horse who ran on the flat, is generally regarded as the most successful stud horse of the 20th century breeding so many later winners. He won many races himself including the Kentucky Derby in record time.

Interestingly, Nearco was trained by the same man who trained Ribot, another of the greatest race horses of all time and another successful horse at stud.

Great horses. I am glad I was around to see them.

The BVM

Tuesday, October 21st, 2008

It seems to me that much of the Church venerates the Virgin Mary with the same ardour as Christ himself. Here is a paragraph from Pope Benedict XIV's address to his cardinals after his election.

'I entrust all of us and the expectations, hopes and worries of the entire community of Christians to the Virgin Mother of God, who accompanied the steps of the newborn Church with her silent presence and comforted the faith of the Apostles. I ask you to walk under the motherly protection of Mary, Mater Ecclesiae, docile and obedient to the voice of her divine Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ. As I call upon her constant patronage, I impart to each one of you and to all those whom divine Providence entrusts to your pastoral care my heartfelt Apostolic Blessing.'

Roman Catholic friends have repeatedly told me that she ain't equal and in the next breath have called her the 'Queen of Heaven'.

Well, I just thought Mary was a convenient womb. She had to be a virgin of course for the benefit of future legends. And Joseph, poor wuss, he just put up with all of this, cuckolded by the Holy Ghost. 'Don't worry, Joseph, I have laid your wife but she's going to have a great kid.'

Now let me be serious. The big issue I have with all this is twofold. First, these guys seem to put her on a par with JC and then carefully (as with Benedict XIV) suggest that perhaps she isn't. But they carry on behaving as if she was.

Second, statues, paintings and icons are everywhere in the Catholic and Orthodox churches. Yes, I have said how much I love La Pieta but that is a sculpture telling a story. These shrines to the BVM are something else with people lighting candles and genuflecting before her.

I think that it smacks of idolatry.

Anyway, what have those two been doing up in heaven these past two thousand years? Sorting out Rigel 5?

Smoked haddock chowder

Tuesday, October 21st, 2008

Problem? I have one smoked haddock fillet left over from last night and the freezer is pretty full.

Answer? Cook it. So rummage around in fridge and store cupboards. Right we'll have a go at a chowder. No recipe but here's my take.

Slice baby potatoes and parboil.
Chop the tired spring onions which I should have eaten at the weekend and stir fry with chopped smoked bacon.
Drain the spuds and the sweet corn (canned). Keep the liquor and add half a fish stock cube.
Flake the haddock.
Put 1 can of bouillabaisse soup into a saucepan. Add some tarragon and parsley. Chuck in everything else and top up with the stock as necessary. I also added some frozen cooked mussels.
Simmer for about 20 mins.

Simple isn't it. But then I was once a chemist. And yes, I know chowders are suppose to have cream but that disagrees with me so this is fine.

It tastes fine. Better than all that supermarket muck with its 3% fish.

And that leads me to another point. How can they call it chowder or fish soup or what if it is only 3% fish? You'd be mighty upset if I sold you a wheel nut and told you it was a car.

Science Fiction

Tuesday, October 21st, 2008

This is not a genre that has high regard in literary circles but I doubt that I would fit in with those posturing Booker Prize lot. SciFi is regarded by many as a province of the geeks. And very often, they are right - but not always.

I read a bit in my late teens and early 20's. It's not all gung-ho and blast the aliens, I still think some of it is quite profound. Asimov writes a nice yarn in his 'Foundation' series but I don't think his three laws of robotics (in the Robot series) have ever been disputed.

'A Canticle for Leibowitz' by Walter Miller is a story of a post nuclear holocaust age. Graphic and plausible, it is still available 50 years on.

Then you have Arthur C. Clarke of '2001-A Space Odyssey' fame - a conceptually beautiful movie let down by stilted acting. But he forecast the idea of geostationary satellites before others thought of them. Then there is 'The Star', the tale of the pain suffered by a Jesuit astronaut who comes upon a burnt out solar system and a destroyed civilisation. He realises that God had put the whole lot to the torch to create the star of Bethlehem. My favourite is 'Childhood's End'. If ever I believed in a God, then the 'Overmind' would be it.

And finally, cus I am writing all this from memory, there is Heinlein, Robert A. Heinlein to be precise. Some fine yarns here but you get some profound observations as well. Try this:

'Love is that condition when the happiness of another is essential to your own.'

There are zillions of definitions of love but I think this is one of the best. Look up Heinlein and you won't be disappointed. And anyway, he had a lot of time for cats.

Bakewell Tart

Tusday, October 21st, 2008

The only Bakewell Tart I know is called Joan. Wicked, aren't I?

Whores

Tuesday, October 21st, 2008

I am fine with whores. They are often pretty and rarely dull and they can be mighty fine company. I am talking here about the ones I meet in bars: I don't do street crawling.

I don't flatter myself that they are attracted to me; they want my money. So I make it clear from the outset that I am not interested in sex with them and then it's their choice. Some move on but most stay and chat. Sure, I buy them drinks but so what. Whores have been around and met many so they can be interesting company.

Nadia was special but that's a whole new story.

Bottom line is that I have never paid for sex and never will. But these girls have a living to make so who cares about a few overpriced drinks.

Apollo 11

Monday, October 20th, 2008

In 1957, my dad dragged us kids out of bed to watch the news on our little black and white 9" television. There was no picture just a series of squawking sounds; it was Sputnik 1. And my dad, being my dad, explained why it was important and what it meant. Can't really say that I actually remember what he said but it set me off on a lifelong fascination with space, both astronomy and exploration that exists to this day.

So, on a Friday in July 1969, I took a day off work (didn't get much holiday then) to watch the event of my life. Turned on the TV, closed the curtains to see better and wired my reel to reel tape recorder to the TV to capture the sound. My friends told me later that I risked electrocution in doing this. Ho hum, I am still alive. This is what happened that Friday afternoon:

Yes I know it's long but I still remember every moment - power transfer is complete, guidance is internal, ignition sequence start but I never heard 'launch commit'. Can you imagine the excitement and the anticipation?

My species finally going to another world.

Norman Mailer wrote a whole book about it, 'Fire on the Moon' and it is clear that he was in awe just as I was. He followed the countdown word for word, just as I did. He is a writer and I am not so here are his words:

Two mighty torches of flame like the wings of a yellow bird of fire flew over a field, covered a field with brilliant yellow bloomings of flame and in the midst of it, white as a ghost, white as the white of Melville's Moby Dick, white as the shrine of the Madonna in half the churches of this world, this slim angelic mysterious ship of stages rose without sound out of its incarnation of flame and began to ascend slowly into the sky, slow as Melville's Leviathan might swim, slowly as we might swim upwards in a dream looking for the air. And still no sound.

I find it magic to this day.

Moulin Rouge

Monday, October 20th, 2008

I have only been to the Moulin Rouge once and a jolly fine show it was too. My French colleague got us a dinner table by the edge of the stage so our position was excellent. Erotic? No, I don't think so but all those girls doing the can-can in ostrich feathers were spectacular. Suddenly the stage rolled away from our table and we were peering down into a huge water tank. A young lady in a bikini was swimming with a dolphin. Well, she did not have the bikini for long for the dolphin pulled it off her. Now that was erotic, mildly so.

The stage rolled back and the can-can girls disappeared and we came to the interval. A man came to the edge of the stage and asked me, in English, to join him on stage. OK, I'm game for anything.

They sat me in a chair in the centre of the stage, put a white plastic hat on my head, large white frameless spectacles and a white plastic cigarette in my mouth. I felt like Elton John and I could not see a damn thing because of the spotlights. Now, monsieur, he said, you must sit very still.

Too right I did for on either side of me two guys were throwing Indian clubs at each other and they were whistling in front and behind my face; I feel the rush of air as they passed. Then there came a roll of drums and whish, whish, whish, the hat went, the glasses went and the cigarette went in a flash. Tumultuous applause and then I went back to my table. Loved it.

Website registration

Monday, October 20th, 2008

Have you tried to buy anything on the web lately? It's not simple is it? You can't just hand over the money and take delivery. No, they want you to fill a in bloody form enclosing your life history and requiring a password before you can procede. No doubt, the motive behind all of this is to bombard me with emails about God knows what special promotions.

I resent this. The day my newsagent requires me to fill in a form before I buy a newspaper is the last day that I shall deal with him.

Living in a slum

Monday, October 20th, 2008

I lived in a slum once, 1952-1959, not that we noticed it nor even felt deprived. It was a three storey Victorian terraced house, two rooms to each floor and the boys slept on the top floor with no heating and no electricity. No hot water either and the toilet was across the yard in the dark. There was a wash house across the yard also and here I conducted my chemistry experiments, even blowing out a window one day. Many people lived like this in my neighbourhood and we all survived.

One day, we got told that the house was 'unfit for human habitation' and were moved to a new council house. Probably by some fresh new sociology graduate. The new house was, naturally, far better and it was nice to do my school homework in the warmth.

But I am not complaining. We lived on the edge of town and had the fields to play in. Happy days.

Dismayed and elated

Sunday, October 19th, 2008

The dismay comes from the fact that I have been trying to upload music in the form of mp3's and it doesn't seem to work. So here's a little movie which I particularly like. It's in FLV so if it doesn't play for you, then you are going to have to download flashplayer or something like that. This is a shortened version of Kitaro's Theme from the Silk Road but it's the best I can do. I think it captures the magic and mystery of the Silk Routes.

So why am I elated, you may ask? Well, I am going to the Silk Road. I've booked it for the autumn of 2009, all the way from Beijing to Tehran - think of the names - Xian, Kashgar, Tashkent, Samarkand, Isfahan - such magical names. Miss Tilson told us about Marco Polo in my last class at Junior School and now I am going to follow him - well, in a way.

Colin Powell

Sunday, October 19th, 2008

Oh goody, Colin Powell has come off the fence (his usual place of sitting) and gone for Barack Obama. Well, the election is November 4th so it's time he did something. Lord if we had waited for someone like him, D-day would have been in 1950. He seems to be a really nice bloke but he describes himself as a 'reluctant soldier'. Well I'd rather my soldiers were a little less reluctant, thank you.

He was not in favour of the first Desert War to liberate Kuwait, a fact attested to by many American military writers; he wanted to continue negotiations with Saddam Hussein. He was in favour of the more recent invasion of Iraq but now admits that the WMD intelligence was incorrect. There is an inconsistency here. He wanted to go to war based on 'intelligence' but was reluctant to do so when even the most basic TV channel showed that Kuwait was occupied and burning.

Course, in the meantime he became Secretary of State. I have absolutely no abiding memories of his incumbency.

As I said, a really nice bloke but methinks he is a wuss.

USA Today

Sunday, October 19th, 2008

USA Today is a rag, no two ways about it but it makes light reading on a flight before you drop off to sleep. It has a warped sense of priorities. So the front page will carry a story like 'Padres beat Dodgers, 16 to 7 (and if you are American, please forgive me if I have mixed sports here but you get the idea.) Inside, tucked away amidst news of church meetings in Minnesota, a dominoes match in Texas and a sewing bee in Idaho, you find a little paragraph saying '300,000 dead in Pakistani earthquake.'

But it has one saving grace. The back page carries a weather map for the USA in full colour. It is the finest weather map in the world.

Being me

Sunday, October 19th, 2008

I ripped this out of an inflight magazine some time ago:

I am the only unique
me that will ever be.
I have the power to
make a difference in
this world -
I look forward to
taking on the grand
adventure of life, living
and always remembering
to be myself.......
I love being me!

Vanity? Oh yes but I do love being me!

Mercia

Sunday, October 19th, 2008

I was born in Birmingham in the West Midlands but I was raised in, what was then a small town, Tamworth in Staffordshire. I look on Tamworth as my home town.

In the 600's to 900's AD, Tamworth was the capital of a kingdom called Mercia, the largest kingdom in the land at the time. One of its rulers, Offa, was famous for constructing a dyke along the border with Wales and for his relationship with Charlemagne.

Edward the Elder, considered by some to be the first king of England, was crowned in Tamworth; he was the son of Alfred the Great of Wessex and ruled all England south of the Humber. This was after the death of Ethelfleda, his sister who ruled Mercia for many years. She is alleged to have built the mound on which the current Norman castle stands. She was also the subject of my junior school's song.

Edward had a son and Ethelfleda looked after him. His name was Athelstan. He went up North and whacked the Scots; he received fealty from the Welsh kings and smacked the Danes. A shadowy figure in many ways but not for nothing was he called rex totius Britanniae - King of All Britain. Well that's pushing it a bit but in my eyes and those of many others, he was the first true king of all the English.

I am not shouting for Mercian independence but do you not wonder why I smile at all these 'johnny come latelys' clamouring to be nation states? For we, the Midlanders were the first masters of this island (for no Romans ever contained the Scots) and don't you forget it.

We don't moan about our lot, we don't complain and we certainly do not expect this world to provide us with a living. We just get on with it.

Coffins

Saturday, October 18th, 2008

Notwithstanding all the advances in medical science, the coffin trade never appears to anything less than thriving. They come in all shapes. American ones seem huge and ornate whilst ours seem pretty simple. Ours also are not rectangular but broader towards the top presumably to accommodate the shoulders. You do have to wonder then how they can fit in the likes of 'Fat bottomed girls', beloved of Queen and myself.


This is a thriving coffin shop in Kuala Lumpur. You can choose your own pronunciation of its name.

Iceland

Saturday, October 18th, 2008

Iceland failed to make it on to the UN Security Council last night coming last among the European contenders. Well, I don't care much for the UN for a start but by that I mean the main body not the useful subsidiaries who are trying to help so many in this world. No, I mean that bunch of 192 nations (the talking shop on the Hudson), each with one vote, in an outfit that is 75% funded by the West and sitting in Manhattan in comfy chairs and no doubt dining at fine restaurants while half the world starves.

But I am glad that Iceland lost. Unlike Gordon Brown, I am not especially upset that their banks have crashed and that Brits including many local councils have got umpteen millions of savings frozen. That was our own silly, greedy fault.

I just hate them for a very simple reason. Three weeks after I got back from the Arctic in 2006, the bastards killed a fin whale, the second largest creature on this planet. Why, I shall never know - perhaps it's that ancestral rights business I talked about earlier. For sure, Iceland has no need of whale meat as food.

On my last day in the Arctic, two of these guys swam along side us in our little rubber boat; you see how close - no telephoto. Our expedition leader said that in all his years, he had never been so close to them from an open boat.

Experiences like this should be available for generations to come.

So bugger Iceland.

Hovis

Saturday, October 18th, 2008

Hovis is a British brand of wholemeal bread that has been around for ages. I loved it as a child and I am happy with it even now. Over the years, it has produced some classic and unforgettable TV adverts, none more so than the 'Bike Ride' of 1973.

A neighbour asked my mother what the haunting background music was and was told that it came from Dvorak's New World Symphony. The neighbour bought it and then complained to my mother that she didn't realise she'd have to sit through all 'that rubbish' to find the the piece she wanted Sigh!

Well there is a new advert out now and it's really good, capturing in little cameos, major events of the last 122 years in Britain.

Google on 'hovis advert' and enjoy some of the most charming adverts ever produced.

Windows Vista

Friday, October 17th, 2008

Yes I know, there are zillions of blogs on this subject and it is not my intention to start another one. Let me just make a few observations and let's start with Bill Gates.

At some time, Gates is reputed to have said something along the lines that if the motor industry had progressed as fast as the computer industry, then a Rolls Royce would cost 50 pounds and do 500 miles per gallon of petrol. Fine but what he didn't mention was that cars would also end up the size of pack of 20 cigarettes.

But let us not dwell on that.

Look at Vista, the latest and supposedly most splendiforous operating system that he and his crew of anoraks have come up with. It's quite lovely and so slow. My desktop is supposed to be state of the art - quad core, gigs of RAM and that blitzing NVidia 8800 GT graphics card. It's taken me six attempts to load Service Pack 1 and still a Quicktime movie takes an age to load.

I could rant on and on here but I won't. Just think about this. Imagine if we launch a new car today and we said it was prettier than anything that had gone before. Nice?

But then how would you feel when you found out that its fuel economy had dropped by a third and its acceleration had fallen by half?

That's Vista for you.

Beauty and functionality

Friday, October 17th, 2008

There is much beauty in this world; some is obvious and in other cases, you have to have an eye for it. Likewise, we are surrounded by useful things and some are better than others. La Pieta is beautiful but not much use as a lawnmower and you'd hardly see windscreen wipers as objects of beauty, well unless you are the curator of the Tate Gallery. They buy piles of bricks and call them art.

But two things, at least, stand out for me in combining both beauty and functionality - atlases (and maps) and bridges. Yes I know that there are ugly examples of both but we can ignore them and move on to the rest. I love them to bits.

Atlases and maps are fabulous, look at the colours and the lines and the legends and savour the intensity of the information that just one page can provide you. Run your fingers over them, close your eyes and you are there! I did this a kid and I do it today. Maps and atlases are irresistible.

Bridges have a job to do so functionality is paramount. My son, who is a civil engineer , has explained the various types to me and I am grateful for I always want to learn. They don't have to be beautiful yet so many are. They span rivers and ravines and other things with so much grace that you (well I) just want to stop the journey and get down below and gaze upon them. Naturally, I've done this from time to time and I have never been disappointed.

I have very, very few regrets in this life but I'd like to have built a bridge.

Enceladus

Friday, October 17th, 2008

The Cassini spacecraft managed it and flew to within 25km above the surface of Enceladus, its closest encounter with a satellite of Saturn. It appear to have flown through clouds of water vapour. Oh yeah, so Enceladus is different from all the rest.

Many years ago, Arthur C. Clarke hypothesised that Europa might sustain life and that formed the basis of his 2001 series of books. Today, people think he might just be right.

Well, when first I saw Enceladus, I thought it might be different and sorta special. I do hope that I am right. This will mean a lot to me.

Waterfalls

Thursday, October 16th, 2008

Nothing like them is there; they are quite beautiful. Arguments rage about which is the best but for me the conclusion is simple - Iguacu.

Haven't seen the Angel Falls, the highest drop, but that looks like a stream coming over a cliff. Seen Vic Falls, the highest volume, but the view is ruined since they drop into a narrow canyon and you have no perspective. Niagara, especially the Canadian side, is splendid but there are only two main falls and not much else.

Iguacu is an unending series of cataracts, big and small, cascading on all sides into a canyon set in sub-tropical rain forest.




(The pics aren't mine since I got there too late for the helicopter trip). But look at the setting and the endless series of terraces, cliffs and water. This for me was Rivendell writ large and real. And I haven't even mentioned the butterflies and the toucans.

Another must see of this world.

Towton

Thursday, October 16th, 2008

I was surprised to read two articles on the battle of Towton quite recently; I shouldn't be, because only passing reference was made to it in my own history lessons and few know about it. I came upon it later when reading about great battles.

It took place in 1461 between the Lancastrians and the Yorkists as part of the War of the Roses. Towton is a village near the city of York.

It's claim to fame is that it was the bloodiest battle fought on British soil. Casualty figures vary but the bottom line (plus or minus half a brick) is that on that day, 1% of the entire English population died. Put that way, there has never been anything like it before or since, anywhere.

We had another civil war in the 1600's and that was that. I'm glad for civil wars are really nasty.

La Marseillaise

Thursday, October 16th, 2008

As National Anthem's go, this is a rousing tune and far better than that dirge we call 'God save the Queen.' However, this like all national symbols can be taken too seriously.

At the French v Tunisia soccer game last night, the Tunisians boo'ed La Marseillaise. There are about 150k of them in France, no doubt welcome as cheap labour providing they keep their mouths shut.Well Sarkozy's reaction was both pathetic and hilarious; he has decreed that if there is anymore insolence to the Anthem prior to a match, then the match will be cancelled.

France has changed then. At the beginning of the 20th century, there was a French music hall artist called Le Petomane; by coincidence , he was born in Marseilles. He could fart like no man before nor since and one of his specialities at the Moulin Rouge was to play La Marseillaise with a flute up his arse to the pleasure of the crowd. I would have loved to have been there. Had a mini paperback on him once; can't find it now.

Sure, I am proud of the symbols of my country but if someone wants to mock them or abuse them, then I just smile.

Politico speak

Thursday, October 16th, 2008

When swanning around the net today, I noticed the increasing usage of the phrase 'evidence base'. What on earth does this mean? Does it mean the evidence; if so, there is no need for the addition of the word 'base'. However, if there is an 'evidence base' then I should like to know what is built upon it. I first heard this phrase used by that irritating little fool, Hazel Blears who was dumb enough to pitch for Deputy Leader of the Labour Party and came last. Nuff said.

So let's move on to the dropping of the definite or indefinite article. We hear loads of people today talking of 'Conference' or 'Cabinet' or the like as though they were imbuing such things with human or unique characteristics. There are many conferences and cabinets so lets just make it clear about what we are talking about.

The whole thing sounds so pretentious to me.

Cook from frozen

Tuesday, October 14th, 2008

Got a pork joint out of the freezer last night, the objective being to thaw it out and cook it tonight. I looked at the label and there it said, 'For best results, cook from frozen.' Anyone got any idea why this should be so?

Postscript : It turned out fine.

Reflections

Tuesday, October 14th, 2008

43. Do not ask for reports/information by close of play Friday unless you truly are going to work on them over the weekend. Give your people until Monday morning if necessary and if they are conscientious, they will work the weekend honing it.

76. Never buy a car in the first 6 months after launch. It takes that long for the VM and ourselves to learn how to make the parts and put them together properly.

Indeed, never buy a new car. They cost too much and you need to let some other silly bugger get the assembly faults fixed and take the depreciation hit.

GM and Chrysler

Tuesday, October 14th, 2008

GM and Chrysler are contemplating a merger, the idea being, as usual, to make 'huge savings' in development, purchasing etc. Haven't we heard that before?

Daimler-Benz once acquired Chrysler and failed to make any progress so they dumped them. GM, well, they are not bad people to deal with but in product development alone, they simply cannot make up their minds. So you go to vehicle launch and are continually changing the product thereafter. It's costly and it doesn't help quality. The notes below are old but they still illustrate the difference between the American Big Three and the Japanese:

How to Bake a Potato

How a Honda employee bakes a potato:

· Preheat new, high-quality oven to 350 F.
· Insert Idaho potato.
· Go do something productive for 45 minutes.
· Check for doneness.
· Then remove perfectly baked potato from oven and serve.

How a GM employee bakes a potato:

· Instruct an Idaho potato supplier to preheat the oven to 350 F.
· Demand that the supplier show you how he turned the dial to reach 350F, and have him come up with documentation from the oven manufacturer proving that it was calibrated properly.
· Review documentation, then have supplier check the temperature using sophisticated temperature probe.
· Direct supplier to insert potato and set timer for 45 minutes.
· Have supplier open oven to prove potato has been installed correctly, and request a free study proving that 45 minutes is the ideal time to bake a potato of this size.
· Check potato for doneness after 10 minutes.
· Check potato for doneness after 11 minutes.
· Check potato for doneness after 12 minutes.
· Become impatient with supplier (why is this simple potato taking so
· long to bake?).
· Demand status reports every five minutes.
· Check potato for doneness after 15 minutes…
· After 35 minutes, conclude that potato is nearing completion. Congratulate supplier, and then update your boss on all the great work you’ve done, despite having to work with such an uncooperative supplier.
· Remove potato from oven after 40 minutes of baking, as a cost savings; without loss of function or quality versus the original 45 minute baking time.
· Serve potato.
· Wonder aloud what on earth those Japanese folks are doing over there to make such good low-cost baked potatoes that people seem to like better than GM potatoes.

Daimler Chrysler’s Baked Potatoes:

· Design great looking potato.
· Include sour cream, bacon bits, chives and cheese.
· Bean counters then create MCM system.
· Engineers spend 2 years looking for ways to take out sour cream, bacon bits, chives, and cheese.
· Engineers find cheap imitation chives from Japanese supplier.
· Management commands engineers to use expensive, over-engineered German bacon bits to help prop up weak German suppliers.
· Sell potato with cheap imitation chives, no sour cream, cheese or expensive German bacon bits.
· Potato rots so fast customer swears never to buy another DCX potato.

Ford’s Baked Potatoes:

· Engineers create plain looking, “everyman” potato.
· Sold as “green” alternative to French Fries.
· When micro waved, potato explodes, causing death and injury to customers and bringing end to 100-year potato and butter-supplier relationship,……………Lawyers flourish

Believe me, it's true!

Police documentaries

Tuesday, October 14th, 2008

We seem to be getting more and more documentaries about police activities. They seem to fall into two categories - the car chase and down town misbehaviour at night. At one time, these things were mostly American but a lot of British ones are on our screens right now.

Oh there are a lot of homilies about the car chase miscreants being 'naughty' but I wonder if it does any good. If I was hooligan , it might well tempt me to emulate them. And then, when you see those nice policemen trying to reason with the down town yobs and drunks, you do wonder where it's getting them. Almost tempts me to go down town, get drunk and abuse the world in general if I am going to get treated so cosily. It certainly would if I was homeless.

Any finally, all this police stuff is rather boring and the film quality is dreadful.

Homo Sapiens

Tuesday, October 14th, 2008

Today, the BBC News reports that researchers may have found a route by which Homo Sapiens crossed the Sahara to the coast of Libya and then onwards. This may have happened around 120,000 years ago.

They may well be right but what is puzzling me is why Homo Wotsit took so long to get his butt moving. Down at Olduvai Gorge in Tanzania, Homo Habilis was making tools around 1.8 million years ago whilst at nearby Laetoli, there are bipedal footprints which go back around 3.7 million years. The latter belong to a pre-hominid Australopithecus Afarensis and were preserved by volcanic ash.

Well Olduvai Gorge doesn't seem very hospitable then and it isn't today - see my pic.



You would think Homo Thingy would have got a move on.

Primary Education

Monday, October 13th, 2008

I am a dad although my kids are now grown up. I am also a retired businessman.

This term or so I understand refers to the education of 5 to 11 year olds. As a father I had a direct interest in this phase of education and I am happy to say that my children were served well. As a businessman, I was obviously more interested in what kids achieved in the later phases of their education - we had no room for exceptional 'finger painters' in our business, we wanted people who knew the difference between a transistor and a hot-air balloon.

But it seems to me that the primary phase is critical to all that follows thereafter. It is not a matter of the knowledge imparted in this phase, although it is a time at least to learn the basics. However, I do think this is your last oppotunity to teach them how to learn, to fill them with the desire to know, to instill curiosity and also show them that learning can be pleasurable and fun. If you do not achieve this by the age of 11, ideally earlier, then I fail to see how you can do it afterwards as kids enter that adolescent phase where the simplistic rejection of adult values becomes the standard way of defining themselves as individuals.

I have long suspected that primary education has been the 'Cinderella' of education - not enough money, not a great deal of interest, not a great deal of kudos. When you see newspaper reports, they are generally about secondary or tertiary level achievements . But get this 1st phase right and the 2nd and 3rd will be so much easier and probably more successful. All the little kids I have met are simply yearning to learn, to know and to understand, not just here but all over the world. Let's exploit that desire.

So let's take primary education more seriously and give them the chance that they deserve.

Kai Tak

Monday, October 13th, 2008

Kai Tak was the old international airport of Hong Kong; it closed in 1998. No major airport landing in the world will ever compare to one at Kai Tak. It was thrilling.

Typically, your plane flew towards a hilltop on which there was a red and white checkerboard. At some moment, I do not know when, the plane banked sharply right and then flew in over the buildings of Kowloon. You could even see the washing hanging out to dry on the apartment balconies. Then a slight jigger to the left and you were lined up for the landing - maybe not straight on for there was often a cross wind.

Many have said that it was dangerous but the accident records show different. I suspect that pilots concentrated harder here and maybe, they were the best the airlines had.

Sure a light plane landing in some remote Andean airstrip might be just as hairy but here you see the likes of the 747, 777 etc handled like Spitfires. Wonderful!

Try this link:

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/yt-3PCOcyt7BPI/hong_kong_kai_tak_airport_1925_1998/

Whisky

Monday, October 13th, 2008

Well, Americans seem to spell it as 'whiskey' but here in the UK, whisky is usually Scotch whilst whiskey is usually Irish. Either way it is a lovely drink. Ideally, it should be taken neat with just a dash of plain water - I think the Scots say 'the dew on the grass.' Certainly, I would never adulterate its unique taste with stuff like Coke or ginger ale.

Of the blends, I have always preferred Whyte & Mackay for its softness and flavour. Johnny Walker Blue Label is really special but costs the earth. On the Irish side, I love the perfume of Jameson's.

Single malts are supposed to be whisky kings and so many are so wonderful. Cragganmore (Speyside) and Highland Park (Orkney) although different are my favourites. Can't say I am fond of Islay malts in general - too medicinal - but I do have a yearning for Lagavulin. The smell makes your nose wrinkle and the taste is so powerful that I can only drink a little at one time. It's really special.

I rarely keep whisky in the house. A friend of mine feels the same. As he put it, 'I have a problem with whisky. If it's around, I drink it.' Well so do I but there is no denying it's beauty.

Gravity

Monday, October 13th, 2008

Can't say I ever really understood Einstein's Theory of General Relativity but then I never studied it either. I am OK with the Special Theory but that is a different matter.

I was wondering the other day what it would be like if the Earth's gravity was say 10 or 20% less than it is. Well, it might be less taxing on our bodies for a start and planes might need less effort to get across the sky. Sporting records would be even better. Objects would fall more slowly so we'd have a better chance of catching that falling dinner plate. Balls used in sport would fly even higher.

But I am not sure of the downsides and no doubt there are some. And sure, I am fully aware of the difference between mass and weight. Perhaps someone could enlighten me here.

My mom's birthday

Monday, October 13th, 2008

Today is my mother's birthday; she would have been 87. OK at times, she irritated the shit out of me but I never doubted her love. She showed me so much and she guided me. But she was beholden to no one and neither am I. She who 'Stands with her fist' had nothing on her.

Thank you Mom.

Reflections

Monday, October 13th, 2008

In the final two weeks before I retired, I wrote down several hundred reflections of my life, some personal, some relating to business. It was not difficult for these thoughts just filled my head. I have done several hundred more since I retired. So from time to time, I shall paste some here. You get the numbers just as they came to me.

6. Refrain from declaring how tough you are going to be until you know how tough you can be.

Being a detective

Monday, October 13th, 2008

There are so many movies and documentaries on these. I'd have loved to have been one, you know, investigating, putting together the jigsaw and finally solving the case. The whole intellectual process fascinates me. My mind up against the mind of the criminal.

But I would never have succeeded because I would never have conformed as a policeman. All that authority crap and playing by the book. Might have made Sergeant but no more.

Music and Prague

Sunday, October 12th, 2008

Prague is a beautiful city and maybe I shall write more on it some time. But for now, let's think about music. It seemed when I went there that it was a city of concerts in halls and churches every night - wonderful. But one night as I hurried to a concert across the Charles Bridge, I came upon this and it stopped me in my tracks.
I have never seen music like this and it was quite delightful. Well I had to hurry but in the closing minutes before I left for the airport the following night, I did manage to buy his CD's. His name is Alexander Zoltan.

Mussels

Sunday, October 12th, 2008

I do like mussels; many people don't. Well that's good for it means they are inexpensive. I find them quite delicious. My favourite is to steam them in white wine with a few chopped shallots and lemon grass. Take them out when they have opened and reduce the liquid. I break off the empty half shells and then pour the reduced liquid over the rest. With crusty French bread, it is a meal fit for kings.

Total eclipse of the Sun

Sunday, October 12th, 2008

I do think that this is one of the most amazing natural sights you can see from this Earth. I waited 54 years for mine. By that I mean 54 years from the time I really became aware of them to the time that I actually saw one in Turkey in March 2006. I'll spare you the historical details.

Oh yes, we have all read about it and seen it on the TV but nothing prepares you for the real thing. It gets cold in the final minutes but the end is mind blowing. In the flash of the second, it's gone, just gone and the corona erupts all around it. Even up to 99% or is it 99.9%, the sun is dazzling. Do not delude yourself that anything compares with totality.

And in our case, everyone went quiet and we remained so for the 3 mins 58 secs of totality. When it returned we went crazy with shouting and clapping. Yes well, we understood the phenomenon but that did not restrain our joy: imagine what it must have been like for our ancestors.

It is magic pure and simple.

The British Cabinet

Sunday, October 12th, 2008

Lot to say here.

Let's start with the Prime Minister, Gordon Brown. Well I said that I believed that first impressions count with me and my first impression of Gordon was that he had the charisma of a brick and so it has proved to be. His back is against the wall now so like many of our leaders, he moves the deck chairs on the Titanic, that is, he has reshuffled his Cabinet.

Now he has 23 top ministers with a further 6 attending Cabinet meetings. By comparison the USA has 15 + 6. Most of the US titles are clear enough - State, Education, Defense etc - and so were ours once. Not now they aren't. We get things like Innovation, Universities & Skills, Culture, Media & Sport as well as the basics.; its jobsworth.
Peter Mandelson (the most unpopular politician in Britain) has Business, Enterprise & Regulatory Reform - a conflict of interests if ever I saw one. Harriett Harman is the Leader of the House of Commons, whatever that means. But she is also Minister for Women and Equality. Well try setting up a Ministry of Men and Equality and you'd get locked up. 'Equality' would have sufficed.

And then there is Baroness Royall of Blaisdon who is, no less, Leader of the House of Lords and Lord President of the Council, further meaningless titles. Never been elected by the public to anything, she is now a full member of the Cabinet and invisible to the public - what does she do all day?

Moving on to the junior ministers, you get to Baroness Vadera, Minister for Small Businesses ie 50 employees or less. What on Earth does she know about this? She spent 14 years in an investment bank (and we now know how clever they are) and then advised the Government of the day on the privatisation of the London Underground and Railtrack. Disliked by so many in the Cabinet office, Brown did a Mandelson on her and made her a peer and took her into Government.

I could go on all day about this but let's finish with just one more case. Huw Irranca-Davis is Parliamentary Under-Secretary of State (ie No. 2) at Environment, Food and Rural Affairs + Minister of State for the Natural and Marine Environment, Wildlife and Rural Affairs. He seems like a nice lad though. Let's just hope that his mission extends beyond Morris Dancing, badgers, stranded whales and chucking rubbish in the hedgerows.

In all this, I am reminded of Bernard Levin, a great political columnist of The Times. Of the North Thames Gas Board (famous for its appalling customer service), he once wrote something like, 'I do not doubt for a moment that matters would be improved overnight if the entire Management Team were replaced by an office boy and a cat. The cat would be there chiefly to keep the boy company but it could certainly have run the financial side of things better than the present incumbents.'